Since when are threesomes all the rage?

JANA Hocking was speaking with some friends in a bar one night. After a few drinks the topic turned interesting.

How many people are deciding to get in bed with multiple partners at once?

I’M sitting knee-to-knee with two male friends in a packed bar, huddled together deep in conversation. The wine has been flowing for a few hours now thanks to a long lunch and we are the last ones standing.

As things do, after a boozy lunch, we’ve loosened up a little and are discussing things that could make your Grandma blush.

It is a safe environment, one friend is happily in a long-term relationship and the other is enjoying the single life. We’re swapping stories about the current dating scene, laughing at past fails and ordering another bottle of rosé before the conversation steers even deeper.

Turns out that when both blokes were single in their twenties they enjoyed a few ménage à trois from time to time. Now, I’m not going to lie, this peaked my curiosity. I wanted to know how does it work, who was it with and what made them want to do it.

I’ve always thought that a threesome, especially with two guys and a girl could be degrading, demeaning and surely not that enjoyable. However, it turns out this isn’t the case. At least for quite a few people (some you may very well know!)

They explained that there are some rules that must be in place for a healthy threesome. Everyone must be open with their boundaries, respect must be given, and it has to stop as soon as someone feels uncomfortable.

Jana Hocking was speaking with friends when the subject of threesomes was raised.

It was probably two more wines after that, that they suggested the three of us give it a go. While slightly flattered, sadly, I’m not quite there yet and politely declined.

Jump forward a week later, and I’m chatting to a friend about my funny ol’ long lunch when she exclaims that she too has faced the same invitation. Following a holiday with an overseas chap, she decided to hop on a plane and visit him once the holiday was over and they had returned to their normal lives.

Thinking he could potentially be the love of her life, she left Sydney with a head full of romantic illusions, only to discover he had another girlfriend in ‘said country’ and was hoping they could all have ‘some fun together’ while she was in town.

Which got me thinking … how did I get to the age of 33 and not know that threesomes were all the rage. Have I been hiding under a rock? I always just assumed it was the creepy guys at B&S balls looking for an easy target and a good story.

Upon further investigation, i.e. sunny Sunday cocktails with friends, I discovered that at least three of my gorgeous, classy, educated girlfriends have engaged in some extra-person-required activities under the sheets. Fascinating.

So what draws people to this kind of hedonism?

First of all there was the movie Eyes Wide Shut which I must admit, I only just discovered late last year after perusing Netflix for far too long.

I was hungover, it looked raunchy, and it made me see how bored yet-ridiculously-good-looking housewives and couples with the same partner for years might be drawn to such a thing.

Jana might have been hungover, but she wasn’t quite bored enough to jump into a bed with more than one person.

Then a new type of party came to town. ‘Killing Kittens’ is a London-based society for the “sexual elite” that has recently received an onslaught of media attention in conjunction with its recent launches in both New York, Los Angeles and Sydney.

It promises members “access to a world of sexual and erotic fantasy governed by gorgeous women,” all set in uber exclusive locations. Think a large yacht or penthouse overlooking the Opera House. I mean, it doesn’t sound horrific.

Add to that a slew of new apps, such as ‘Feeld’ that go past the casual hook ups associated with Tinder and Happn, and branch out to couples looking for an extra pair of feet in the bed, and your options for such a lifestyle are endless.

Sadly, after much googling, I couldn’t find an actual statistic that tells us how many sexually active couples are currently partaking in threesomes in Australia, but judging on my recent conversations, I think it’s safe to say more than you may first guess, and trust me, they’re not always your usual suspects.

So who do we blame for this new trend? (Or thank, depending on your preferences …)

Well, according to anthropologist Dr Katherine Frank, author of Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex, “threesomes are becoming more mainstream as a topic” thanks to shows like House of Cards and Girls that have both featured powerful, sexually fulfilling threesomes. “There’s stuff on TV now that would have been considered porn a few decades ago,” she points out.

I guess the point is, we’re no longer shocked, but intrigued.

This article originally appeared on High Heels and Hangovers and has been republished here with permission.