New research reveals 1 in 5 Australians will be a victim of revenge porn

A BARTENDER laughed about having a naked photo of me. That’s when I discovered I was the victim of revenge porn.

I THOUGHT it was just a sick joke.

I arrived at the party to a group of men sneering about the fact they’d seen me naked.

I believed it was just their boys-will-be-boys mentality and they were trying to irritate me for their own amusement, so ignored the taunts.

But later that night when I was at the pub in the small New South Wales town where I grew up, the bartender sidled over to me to let me know my vagina was his computer desktop background. That’s when I discovered I was the victim of revenge porn, and everybody knew my dirty little secret.

This wasn’t something that would ever happen to me. I have never sent a nude Snapchat or texted a photo. But my story is just one of many others, with new research revealing one in every five Australians will be a victim of revenge porn. I am part of that statistic.

‘I WAS PRESSURED INTO IT’

I had been with my ex-boyfriend for three years. I knew he was possessive and jealous, but I never expected the man who claimed to love me to ever exploit me the way he did.

After years of being together, I moved away and we started a long distance relationship.

I would visit him at every opportunity but he wanted a photo to apparently tide him over between visits. We were at his house when he asked, but I immediately said no. I felt so uncomfortable with the idea my body — something I was so private about — would be on display.

But our relationship had already been complicated by the distance, I didn’t want my refusal to be yet another reason to break up.

As I was drifting off to sleep, he pulled out his iPhone and began taking photos.

It started with close-ups before he urged me to pose.

I cringed as I heard the click of the camera. I felt pressured so I put my clothes on and asked him to delete the photos.

It wasn’t until about six months later when they began to surface.

New research shows revenge porn is more common than we might think.

‘I AM SO ASHAMED’

The break-up was nasty and by the end there was nothing but resentment and anger.

The distance became too much; he was jealous about new people I was becoming friends with, I heard rumours he had been cheating on me, so it was time to end it. I thought it was mutual, but he felt scorned and believed I deserved to be punished for breaking it off.

Me at my most vulnerable had been ogled by strangers, laughed at by friends and I now live in constant fear, wondering if the next person I meet will be thinking about what’s beneath my jeans and T-shirt.

In the weeks after the photos had leaked, I did not eat, I did not talk, and I wished I would be swallowed up by my bedsheets. I did not stop crying, I was ashamed, humiliated, alone and just wanted to die. I had no confidence left, I felt disgusting.

Even now, seven years later, I feel sick to my stomach when I think of what people saw or what they still might see.

Just weeks ago I met somebody who knew my ex-boyfriend and he said “oh, so you’re the ex-girlfriend”. The laughter I once heard when people were talking about the pictures rang in my ears and once again I was left questioning what he saw and what he’d been told.

I was pressured into taking nude photos. Picture: iStock

My story is bad, but it could’ve been worse. It, to my knowledge, was not posted online or seen by my parents or employer.

But there are an alarming number of people with similar stories. New research from RMIT and Monash University, released on Monday, reveals a mass scale of victimisation across Australia, with one in five suffering from image-based abuse.

About 20 per cent of those people have sexual or nude photos of them taken without consent, and 11 per cent have images distributed without consent. About 9 per cent are victimised by people threatening to share their photos.

One in three people aged between 16 and 19 have been victimised and one in four were between 20 and 29.

The survey also revealed the psychological toll revenge porn takes on victims, with most affected by depression and anxiety.

“Image-based abuse has emerged so rapidly as an issue that inevitably our laws and policies are struggling to catch up,” chief investigator and RMIT’s Dr Nicola Henry said.

“This isn’t just about ‘revenge porn’ — images are being used to control, abuse and humiliate people in ways that go well beyond the ‘relationship gone sour’ scenario.”

After my nude photos were shared, I didn’t tell the police, or really do anything about it.

I felt my only option was to let people forget it ever happened.

RMIT’s Dr Anastasia Powell said there was a lack of legal and support systems in place to get justice for the victims.

“We need to rethink our approach both from a legal perspective but also as a community, to change attitudes that often blame the victims and play down the very real harm caused by image-based abuse,” she said.

The researchers recommended a number of reforms, including a revenge porn helpline.

They believe image-based abuse should be considered a crime under federal telecommunications law. Currently only Victoria and South Australia have laws around image-based abuse.

As a victim of revenge porn, I want to see that changed.

*The author’s name was withheld to protect her identity.

The national sexual assault line is 1800 RESPECT