Jana Hocking’s trick to keep ‘body count’ low

Your body count – how many people you’ve slept with – is your business but there is one way to keep it low while still having lots of sex, says Jana Hocking.

Now, you may be shocked to hear this … but I have a surprisingly low body count. Yes, despite all my dating adventures, I’ve managed to keep the amount of men I’ve slept with quite low.

I know. Wild.

Now, I’m sure a lot of you are calling BS on this but I’ve had a secret trick up my sleeve this whole time. And it’s meant that despite all these years with an ever-excitable sex drive, I’ve managed to stay at full throttle without worrying about the notches on my bed.

How? I revisit old flames. Yes, those men I’ve slept with in the past who were the perfect combination of kind and mighty fine in bed.

It must be noted, however, that there is one important rule that can’t be ignored. Anyone remotely toxic is instantly struck from the list. I learnt this the hard way.

No revisiting an ex who completely mucked me around. No no no, we’re not signing up for round two of a WTF moment-in-life. (OK, OK, round three.) And certainly not the guy with a porn addiction who thought it would be fun to bring those outlandish and slightly misogynistic moves to the bedroom. Struck from the list!

I keep it to a tight list of men who weren’t quite boyfriend material but brought the orgasms.

Jana Hocking says she has a surprisingly low body count. Picture: Instagram

For example, I’m currently revisiting a very handsome man I had fond nude relations with in 2019. 2021 and now 2024. He’s the recipient to my ‘you up?’ texts.

There’s also the chef from lockdown I like to grace my boobs with from time to time. And the old former work colleague who gets a ‘meet me at my place in an hour’ text once in a blue moon.

These men allow me to date like a lady. I get dressed up, go on classy dates, and then leave with an air of mystery in my wake. All the randy hormones I’ve stirred up in the process go towards those on my revisit list.

Therefore, I’m not wasting my body count on men who may or may not end up being dud dudes later down the track once I’ve got to know them.

The three men who I’ve happily added to my body count list are kind, and sweet, and certainly not boyfriend material so perfect for a ‘how’s your mother’ wink wink. And best of all, there’s not complaints from them.

No one is getting hurt. There’s no ‘what does this mean’ chats. It’s fun until the real thing comes along.

Now if you find your body count list getting a little long, may I suggest you do the same.

Heck, not because you’re worried about what others will think. Save that for the Andrew Tates of the world who are horrified if a woman is not a virgin. **Rolls eyes so hard I almost fall over.

I mean, you don’t see Taylor Swift writing songs about her list. Nope, she’s too busy enjoying a life packed full of interesting past and present lovers. Now that is an autobiography I very much look forward to reading.

No, may I suggest you only do it if you’re worried about the type of guy you’re inviting into your bedroom. For example, if you’re like me and are aware that your taste in men needs a bit of … umm … improvement, then a revisit list is the perfect solution.

It gives you the time and energy to invest in getting to know the other guys you are going on dates well before you jump into bed with them and rue the day. How many times have you heard your girlfriends lament ‘gaaaah I should never have slept with him!’

Instead, you go on the dates. You thank them for a good night. And then you give yourself 24 hours to decide if you like the guy or your just horny. In the meantime, you’re taking that horniness to the special gent(s) on your revisit list.

Your body count remains low, and your decision-making skills remains high! (Not to mention your sex drive).

So, I know we’re told that it’s never a good idea to get back with an ex, but I certainly don’t think there’s any harm in a friendly roll in the hay with a former fling. Just make sure you’re both on the same level. No deep and meaningful chats allowed.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking