I thought I’d still be into swinger sex throughout my pregnancy

A swinger who is sick of not feeling sexy is attempting to find her sexuality again this week. She tracks her progress in a seven-day diary.

Sex lives can change when your pregnant. Source Istock Credit: nd3000

Kate* is currently struggling because pregnancy has drastically changed her sex life. She’s gone from attending swingers clubs to only having sex with her primary partner, so she’s slowly trying to rediscover her sexuality while her body is changing.

She kept a seven-day sex diary to track her sexual endeavours.

Monday

My sex life is currently very different at the moment, my partner and I were big into the swingers community before I fell pregnant, but my first trimester, I was really sick. So sex just wasn’t a priority anymore, but I’m finally feeling better and trying to embrace my sexuality again.

Plus, when we started trying for a baby we stopped participating in group sex due to wanting to make sure there was no question with paternity.

Before I was pregnant my partner and I were still having sex three to five times a week and I was masterbating too – but it’s been hard since I’ve been pregnant.

Since falling pregnant six months ago I think we have had sex a total of five times all up which is a lot less than it was, and I masterbate once every two weeks if that.

In an attempt to feel more like my former self, I take a few minutes to stare at my changing body in the mirror in lingerie and look at my body objectively – I really want to start feeling sexy again.

It feels weird at first, but after a while, I can actually appreciate how good my boobs look now they are fuller.

I didn’t have sex today, but I feel a bit more like my old self.

Sex lives can change when your pregnant. Source iStock Credit: nd3000

Tuesday

I was super excited to get into the second trimester of my pregnancy because pop culture tells women they’ll start to get really horny, but my sex drive is still pretty dismal.

Before I got pregnant, I thought I’d still be into the swinger sex throughout my pregnancy, but my body image issues are holding me back.

As a woman, I’ve constantly been fed this idea to take up as little room as possible, so it is hard to imagine myself as someone that is sexually appealing while carrying extra weight and with obvious life on board. So, I haven’t felt confident enough to stay within my swinging community.

Plus, I have heard a lot about the statistics behind partners cheating when someone is pregnant and it’s hard to not think about potentially not being attractive to your partner.

My partner has been super, super supportive and quite frankly might be into it a little more than I could’ve ever imagined.

But it definitely has stopped me from considering going back to sex clubs or sex parties because of my pregnancy.

Before we were pregnant when we would go often and people would approach us and it felt like we were equally desired and it felt really inclusive.

Not to say I wouldn’t feel welcome now but a part of me would think that people might judge me for being there pregnant when I should be sitting at home?

So, at the moment I’m just sticking to sex with my primary partner.

My partner and I had some vanilla sex today in the shower, and while it isn’t my wildest fantasy, come to life! It is nice to connect again.

Wednesday

This week is hard because my partners been away with work a bit. I did buy a new sex toy though.

It’s mostly external because internal pentration is what I’m finding to be too much for me

It’s not just the mental gymnastics of trying to have sex with so many thoughts, it’s also logistically difficult to stay comfortable physically.

I’m still getting used to this whole pregnancy body thing. I decide to get back on track, I should lean into masturbation – which does feel good, but every time I orgasm, these days my stomach spasms, and it takes me out of the moment and no amount of googling can tell me if that is normal or not.

So that puts me off sex for the rest of the day!

Sex isn’t appealing to Kate but masturbation can feel good. Source: iStock Credit: Boyloso

Thursday

I think one of the reasons I’m finding this sex stuff so hard is because there’s so much stuff I’m learning about my pregnant body.

For instance, when you are pregnant, your blood volume increases by 50 per cent so it is actually quite uncomfortable to do things for long because of the increase in blood circulation, and when you have an orgasm it is way more intense.

Basically, sex feels like a lot more effort and even though I’m still attracted to my partner, I’m not super in the mood today, and I feel tired and swollen. So, I leave it for the day.

Friday

I’m really missing my swinger community, It’s been quite hard to find a good stride with all of it because sex is and was such a big part of my life, and it’s hard to know what is expected, okay, and appropriate.

Maybe I’ll feel a bit better if I watch porn to get myself back into the mood, but even that doesn’t work today!

Saturday

Growing a baby is really tiring, but it’s also the weekend so my partner and I have a good slow and long sex session. We recently renovated our house and we were on the floor on our new rug and we did it then after a few kisses.

But the moment was short lived as I just got super overheated and needed it to wrap up fast.

Sunday

This morning while I was changing we ended up having sex, my partner is loving my new body!

But as I am getting bigger it has become about logistics so using my pregnancy pillow and whatnot.

We are miles away from our sex lives from previous years but we are having fun adapting.

Sex Diaries is a series where we get to peak into the bedrooms of ordinary Aussies. If you have a sex diary you want to share please email [e-mail]

* Name changed