Coronavirus lockdown prompts spike in women’s porn habit

While her friends were getting proposed to or pregnant, Jana Hocking has revealed a very different “P” that she got into while in isolation.

The other night I was merrily eating tacos and sipping on a margarita with girlfriends at our local Mexican joint. We were making the most of these post-quarantine times and, as you can imagine, there was lots to catch up on.

We had invited a new friend and as she munched down a chip with guac she casually exclaimed, “Everyone’s getting proposed to or pregnant at the moment, but all I’ve been doing is watching porn.”

Ahh yes, the three Ps of the pandemic. Proposals, pregnancies, and porn. It would seem that many couples decided it was time to put down some roots, get hitched and start a family. Statistically pregnancies have gone through the roof – Chemist Warehouse reported a 33 per cent increase in home pregnancy tests since the start of the pandemic.

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Jana Hocking has discovered there are three Ps of the pandemic: proposals, pregnancies and porn. Picture: Instagram @jana_hocking

So what about the rest of us? You know, the single ones. The ones that weren’t allowed to go on dates. What in the Lord’s name have we been doing? Well, it’s simple. We’ve been watching porn.

Yes, even us women. Yes, even those quiet librarian-type females in your office. If she has got access to the internet, then I promise you, she’s been watching porn. One of my girlfriends fondly calls it the “iso horn”.

Not just any porn, mind you. This is nice porn. With good lighting, enviable lingerie and a man who doesn’t just grunt and thrust. No wading through all the videos of women being horribly degraded just to find that lovely video of two people getting it on. No jackhammering allowed on these fancy-yet-free sites. What’s that … oh yes … it’s a collective sigh of relief from my fellow women folk.

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Female-friendly porn is the cure for iso horn. Image: Instagram @jana_hocking

You fancy your men bearded, they cater for that. You fancy a dad bod? Why not click over here. You fancy yours buff and grey, oh hey why not click on this sexy grandpa. Some sites even let you submit your fantasy and they will find a real-life couple to act it out for you. It’s all very 50 Shades of Gray and I’m here for it.

Unlike the usual grotty porn sites, the female marketed porn sites take pride in making sure the woman featured in the filming is enjoying herself and looks pleasured in a realistic way.

You see, some clever entrepreneurial ladies, like Erika Lust who went from being a political science and gender studies graduate to feminist adult film maker, discovered that we women are just as interested in a cheeky sneak-peak at bedroom antics as blokes, just not the kind you see on those cheap and sleazy sites.

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After bingeing Tiger King, women in iso moved onto something stronger. Image: Instagram @jana_hocking

Female-friendly sites feature real couples in real situations. Which reminds me of my first porn viewing experience. It was at a slumber party with a group of girls in high school.

One of them had found their dad’s stash and brought a VHS (yes, I’m THAT old) of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s honeymoon sex tape. Aside from the fact that we were all impressed that Tommy Lee could beep a car horn with his old fella (bravo) it was nice to see a couple having a jolly good time on holiday.

Fast forward a few years and we’re now seeing a much broader type of porn via the more mainstream websites. Sadly, many of them think that they must perform a certain way to keep a man happy. Wrong. I say embrace the female-led porn sites and let’s get rid of the ridiculous idea that porn is exclusively made for men. Sigh.

And so, as we slowly got to the bottom of our third margaritas, the topic turned to who our favourite porn stars were.

Two of my girlfriends could not stop raving about a couple called “Leo and Lulu” who share their ridiculously athletic, and almost instagramable love making with the online world. So ladies, do yourself a favour and give this couple a google. I assure you, you won’t be disappointed.

Jana Hocking is a radio producer and collector of kind-of-boyfriends. Continue the conversation @Janahocking