Sarah takes some sage advice from a love guru, but will burning a letter to herself bring any relief?

A LOVE guru has suggested Sarah write an open and honest letter to herself as a form of catharsis — but it’s the next step that’s meant to bring her some relief.

SARAH Swain has been single for eight years. That’s nearly 3000 days without a boyfriend and she’s not afraid to admit it either.

That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every Friday.

Week 19: Love Coach

“There can be miracles, when you believe,” warbled songstress Mariah Carey in one of her late 90s hits.

And while Carey’s miracle arrived aboard a luxury yacht in the shape of an Aussie casino tycoon, what you believe has a lot to do with what you get.

But that’s not always a good thing, according to Karolina Dobrovska, a self-titled ‘personal love coach for women’.

She reminds me of that movie Hitch, starring Will Smith, about the dating coach who helped losers in love turn their lives around.

Residing in Manly as opposed to the film’s setting in Manhattan, Dobrovska helps mostly females work towards either finding a partner, working on their relationship or working on themselves.

As she says, the old nugget of wisdom that ‘you have to love yourself before somebody else can love you’ remains true.

WEEK 16: SARAH’S NIGHT ENDS ON A GOOD NOTE IN MINSKY’S

WEEK 17: HARMONY OR TRAGEDY? I’M BACK ONLINE

WEEK 18: I DIDN’T HAVE A DATE OF MY OWN ... SO I BECAME A THIRD WHEEL

Ms Dobrovska mostly works via Skype with women in Australia as well as back home in her native Czech Republic, and she agreed to give me a session.

And she tells me what I believe about relationships — and I mean, really believe, deep down — is affecting the way I behave even if I don’t know it.

“It’s all about your mindset and attitude and the beliefs you have,” she said, before asking me to reveal the details of my love life.

I tell her about my long term relationship and the disastrous breakup we had after six years, before I embarked on a series of flings, dates and never-to-be-seen-again suitors over the past eight years.

I explain that the guys I like are the ones who never call, and the ones I’d rather avoid don’t leave me alone.

And then we spend a lot of time coming up with a list of things I believe when it comes to relationships.

It takes a lot of honesty and pushing on her part, but luckily opening up to Dobrovska is easy. And I haven’t even had any sav blanc before I’m spilling my secrets.

And while I won’t reveal the full list, one of the main beliefs I realise I have is an age-old worry — age.

You see, somehow I’d got it into my head that I’m too old to find a man.

I believe that blokes my age would rather go for a younger, skinnier model, and that I’ve missed the love boat.

And while it doesn’t stop me going on dates, partying in bars and hunting online for potential love interests, sometimes I do think I’m wasting my time because I was born in 1981 and not 1991.

Ms Dobrovska reckons around 70% of the signals we give off are subconscious, and she reckons my concerns about age have made me more repellent than Deet.

WEEK ONE: I’VE BEEN SINGLE FOR 3000 DAYS

WEEK TWO: WHY IT’S SO HARD TO MEET A MAN IN SYDNEY

WEEK THREE: DID BRIDGET JONES HAVE IT THIS BAD?

“It’s holding you back,” she says. “It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s the moment when you’re sitting at the bar and there’s no one coming to you even though you do want to make contact with people.

“You’re radiating ‘don’t even approach me.”

And I think she might be right.

But she has a solution.

She wants me to write a ranting, angry made letter revealing how I feel.

And then burn it.

It all sound a bit The Craft, but she says it’ll work.

“Let it all out.” she said. “You should feel some sense of relief.”

After that, I must write a letter forgiving myself for everything I think I’ve done wrong in previous relationships

She said it’ll help release the regret she thinks is behind most of my beliefs.

And finally, she says I need to convince my brain to believe something new — and back it up with evidence.

WEEK 12: DOES SARAH HAVE A RECIPE FOR LOVE?

WEEK 13: WILL UMBRELLA MAN BE WORTH THE WAIT?

WEEK 14: CAN FORTUNE TELLER FIND ME A FELLA?

Because rationally, of course I know that I’m not too old, really.

The fact that I’m not really keen on younger guys, the knowledge that I do regularly get chatted up, plus the fact that I know people don’t really care about age that much anyway, will help persuade my brain that my belief that I’m too old is a bigger piece of rubbish than Grease 2.

And then she makes me come up with a positive belief, that's directly opposite to my initial negative one.

Repeat after me:

“I’m only 34, and I don’t like younger guys much anyway.”

Details karolinadobrovska.com

Originally published as Sarah takes some sage advice from a love guru, but will burning a letter to herself bring any relief?