Wedding act could signal relationship danger, experts say
What started as an ancient Roman tradition has morphed into a controversial social media phenomenon that's destroying marriages before they begin.
It seems like every week, there’s a new video of a groom smashing wedding cake into his new wife’s face.
One story went viral not long ago after a woman decided to divorce her husband just a day after they tied the knot.
She told him her ‘one rule’ was not to smash cake in her face because she was claustrophobic from a car accident, and yet he still did it.
Another nasty incident involved a groom chasing the bride into a corner of the venue as she begged him not to smash cake on her.
He knocked her to the ground, smeared cake on her dress, then walked away smugly while the guests watched on in horror.
One TikToker said she even walked out of her own wedding reception after her husband pulled a similar stunt.
“H smashed a wedding cake on my face and ruined my $1600 bridal makeup. But he actually ended up saving me $50,000 in divorce fees,” Louisa Melcher said.
Another bride shared on Reddit how she had an uncomfortable history with “cake smashing,” stemming from her mother pushing her face into her birthday cakes while she was growing up. After telling her partner about this, he still smashed a cake into her face on the big day.
Under all these comment sections, the same debate always emerges.
Is this an innocent act of fun, or a form of abuse disguised as a prank?
Wedding cake rituals are ancient traditions. In ancient Rome, the groom would sprinkle barley crumbs over the bride’s head to symbolise dominance and fertility.
Over time, this shifted to exchanging bites of cake, representing mutual care, often played out in lighthearted ways like patting icing on each other’s faces.
Recently, with the rise of TikTok and viral video platforms, “cake smashing” has become more popular, where one partner – usually the groom – forcefully smashes cake into the bride’s face.
While some couples enjoy and even plan such moments, many of the ones that go viral are the one-sided, violent-looking attacks.
In situations where wedding cakes aren’t involved, acts involving striking someone with an object or restraining them against their will might be considered abuse.
Therefore, a common online view is that husbands who partake in the ‘cake smashing’ trend against their partner’s will – especially if their partner is embarrassed or physically hurt – are likely violent at home.
Psychologist Carly Dober told news.com.au that when cake smashing is done against a partner’s wishes, it can be “disrespectful” and “demeaning,” ultimately showing someone is putting their enjoyment above their partner’s feelings.
“It’s selfish, uncaring and also shows a lack of communication and respect, and this can be a sign of future issues,” the owner of Enriching Lives Psychology said. “Most people want their wedding day to be memorable and to look back on it with happy memories.
“Over time, it could lead to sadness, depression, resentment, low self-esteem, and ongoing relationship issues if trust is damaged.”
Of course, not all cake smashes are violent, but etiquette expert Kate Heussler suggests couples should proceed with caution when planning stunts such as this.
“You want everyone to feel safe, seen and respected, so couples should chat about boundaries well before the wedding day and during planning,” she said.
“It’s about checking if your humour and values match.”
She recommends couples ask each other:
– “How do you feel about surprises at the wedding – do you love them, or would you rather know what’s coming?”
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– “Are there any traditions or trends you absolutely do or don’t want to participate in?”
– “If something goes wrong or I make a mistake on the day, how would you handle it?”
– “Is there anything you’d find embarrassing, disrespectful, or a deal-breaker in front of guests?”
