‘Shameful’ yet common secret of women revealed

For years Jana Hocking knew about this dirty little secret that females kept close to their chests. Now, a divorce lawyer has confirmed it.

A divorce lawyer confirmed something I’ve known for years … women cheat just as much as men.

For years I’ve known a dirty little secret we women have kept close to our chests. It’s a shameful sin, but a common one. And it wasn’t until this week when I was listening to the Diary of a CEO podcast that my strong suspicions were confirmed. In a very public way.

The host, Steven Bartlett, was talking to a famous divorce lawyer called James Sexton. Side note, you may remember he slightly broke the internet with a now viral TikTok video about why people are bonkers to get married.

He famously stated “If you break it down, fundamentally, 56 per cent of marriages end in divorce – that’s just the couples who actually go through with the costly, tedious and emotionally devastating process of divorcing.

“What about all the other married people who stay together for the kids or because they don’t want to give away half their stuff? I estimate that to be 20 per cent at least. So, you now have a technology that fails 76 per cent of the time.

“That’s insane. If I told you there’s a 76 per cent chance when you walk out the door today, you’re going to get hit in the head with a bowling ball, you would not go out, or you’d wear a helmet.”

What a statement!

Anyway, when I heard he was going on Steven’s podcast for an extended chat I popped the popcorn and took a seat. Now, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the ‘divorce’ stuff that shocked me, it was something else he said.

Steven asked him who cheats more in a relationship and he said “both men and women cheat with a tremendous amount of frequency.”

Women cheat just as much as men. Picture: iStock

I repeat “both”. And I repeat “a tremendous amount of frequency”.

He continued “I don’t think you could say one does it more than the other, I think that more men are accused of having ruined the relationship by cheating then women are.”

For years it’s been assumed that men cheat more often than women but from my own experience with friends (and yes, shamefully myself) women certainly cheat just as much – the difference is we are just better at keeping it secret. Yes, we are experts in covering our tracks.

Men get sloppy, they forget to delete messages from their phone, they forget their wives check their phone bills, bank accounts, and wash their lipstick-stained laundry.

I had a friend catch her husband cheating after her child found an empty condom wrapper on the back seat of their family car.

I had another friend go through her husband’s phone one night after he came home drunk and she discovered he had a mistress for the last four years. Every single message was still in his phone.

Rookie.

Jana Hocking has known all about this secret for years. Picture: Jana Hocking/Instagram

She said her girlfriends are like secret agents. Picture: Jana Hocking/Instagram

My girlfriends on the other hand are like secret agents. They have an ‘oopsie daisy’ at after work drinks, or ‘accidentally’ fall on top of their ex during a secret rendezvous and then go into stealth mode with their cover ups. You will find no evidence of their philandering ways.

So why are men so reckless compared to women? Well research reveals that men are more likely to engage in risky behaviours or be less discreet when cheating – leading to a higher likelihood of getting caught. This includes leaving digital traces (texts, emails), being less careful about alibis, or displaying more obvious changes in behaviour.

Men are just more likely to get caught. Picture: iStock

Is your husband suddenly updating his wardrobe and spending more time at the gym? Yeah, I would be taking a sneaky peek through their phone.

Men are also portrayed in films as Lotharios, horny creatures who can’t control their desire.

And women are usually portrayed as the victims or the poor love struck fools. Think ‘First

Wives Club, Gone Girl, Love Actually.

But every now and then a movie comes along to remind us that women are also capable of affairs. Think Diane Lane in Unfaithful or Julia Roberts in Closer.

Keira Knightley and Chiwetel Ejiofor in Love Actually.

In my mid-20s I foolishly cheated on a partner on a work trip simply because I knew I could get away with it. Was I riddled with guilt? Yes. Did he ever find out? No.

Why? Because we take the time and care to cover our tracks. We confide in one girlfriend or a therapist, not an entire group of lads on a footy trip. We are also capable of taking this secret to the grave, as opposed to men who eventually fess up when cornered or caught.

If women do get caught it’s for a simple reason, we subconsciously wanted to be found out.

My therapist would say “You were self-sabotaging the relationship” and ain’t that the shameful truth!

So yes, it turns out men and women share equality in one thing – betrayal.

Which brings me to the bigger question … are humans designed to be monogamous? OK, OK I’ll save that for another day.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking