My Nana died waiting for an answer I couldn’t give her

BRAD McKay went to his Nana’s funeral last week. Her memory was fading before she died, but there’s one thing she still asked him every day.

Brad McKay pictured with his Nana in her nursing home before she passed away.

I ATTENDED my Nana’s funeral last week.

It was a sombre occasion, full of tears and tales about the years gone by. We spoke of Nana’s fondness for big hats, her weakness for chocolate chip biscuits, and the love she had for her many grandchildren.

She lived a full life over 94 years, but unfortunately didn’t have all of her faculties in her final days.

She lived in a nursing home where she could wear a big hat almost every day, and she often forgot my name.

But, despite her advanced dementia she never lost her brazen cheekiness, and on days when she recognised me she only ever asked one question;

“Are you married yet?”

Like many of her generation, that was her most important measure of success.

It didn’t matter how my studies were going or how I was doing at work, her questions were always limited to the status of my ring finger.

Now she’s dead.

Dr Brad McKay’s wonderful Nana.

I’ll never be able to give her the answer she pined for. The opportunity has been stolen from me.

That opportunity was stolen from both of us.

Inaction by our Parliamentarians have seen to it that she went to the grave without hearing me say “yes”, because it’s not legal for my boyfriend and I to get married here in Australia.

We could easily jump across the ditch and exchange vows in New Zealand, but that wouldn’t be the same as getting married in our own country.

Our families live here, our friends live here, and our lives are here.

So we wait.

But while we wait for the law to change, we’re missing out on the opportunity to celebrate with those who matter most to us.

And we’re not the only ones missing out.

Families across the nation are currently unable to share these happy moments with one another, and some people will never get the opportunity.

My Nana enjoyed a long and happy life with my grandfather.

Joyce and Dick were married in 1939, when she was only 17 years old and over the following 57 years they built a life together that anyone would be proud of.

Joyce and Dick’s wedding in 1939.

They kept a lovely home complete with a greenhouse full of meticulously cultivated prize-winning orchids out the back. He was a scrabble champion, and she baked the best sponge cakes.

They travelled regularly, raised a family and spent their years laughing together until death they did part.

The commitment they made to each other on their wedding day strengthened their relationship, tied them together in sickness and in health, and shaped the vision they had for their children and grandchildren.

Dr Brad McKay (left) and his boyfriend would love to get married.

That’s why she always asked me the same question, and was always waiting for me to say yes.

It’s too late for my Nana. She died waiting.

As do other people’s Nanas every single day.

The time has come for our representatives in Canberra to do their duty — to make Marriage Equality a reality, not by plebiscite, but by a free vote in Parliament.

The political games our Parliamentarians are playing have a real impact on people’s lives.

Australians are not chess pieces to be used for scoring points. All of us are tax paying, law abiding citizens who either want to have our relationships recognised through marriage, attend our children’s weddings, or celebrate the marriage of a loved one because it is the right thing to do.

As stigma around homosexuality decreases over time, more people are coming out of the closet and being true to themselves.

How many more Nanas, Grandpas, Mums, and Dads will have to miss out on these important celebrations because of the impotence of this Parliament?

The people we elect to represent us have failed me.

And they failed my Nana.

And while they sit there doing nothing they’re failing you too.