‘My hubby farts in public and I stay with him’

A woman has shared how mortified she is that her husband farts in public with not a care in the world.

Two years ago, my husband Ben* and I walked into the suave, fine-dining restaurant where we were meeting my work colleagues socially for the first time.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. Although I had been in my job for over two months and was becoming more comfortable with my colleagues and the leadership of the business, it was the first time I had been in any sort of non-work environment with them – and it was the first time Ben was meeting them.

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The woman’s husband let one rip as he shook her boss’s hand for the first time. Picture: Getty

I smiled when I saw the table (consisting mostly of the leadership team) notice us approaching them, and they stood up to greet us. As the distance closed between us and the first hand, the hand of the business owner, reached forward towards Ben, Ben did more than just shake it.

While still in the midst of the introductory gesture, he also let out a huge fart.

It was as if that was just a part of what you did when you met someone for the first time, a person that your wife was trying to appear professional in front of – shake and fart.

The same philosophy on farts as Shrek

It was very apparent that everyone in attendance had heard. Their faces were a combination of shock and disgust, mine was bright red. Ben, though, continued on around the table introducing himself and shaking several other hands as if nothing had happened.

As soon as we got home that evening, I told Ben exactly what I thought about his actions and refused to speak to him for a week. I was so humiliated.

Thankfully, no one from my work has ever said anything about this incident, not to my face at least, and since then I have restricted as much social interactions between them and Ben as humanly possible (which I am sure they are as equally thankful for).

Really though, looking back, I don’t know why I was surprised and I don’t know why I bothered to get angry. Ben had done this sort of thing from very early on in our relationship and he continues to do it now. In his eyes, farting is perfectly normal.

According to the woman, her husband has the same mentality on farts as Shrek. Picture: Supplied

Like Shrek, Ben says “better out than in,” whenever I raise it as an issue.

While I don’t have an issue with farting or burping at home, I do think when you are in public or at social events that common courtesy should prevail and you save the release of whatever gas is building for home, or at least the toilet.

‘There is an appropriate time and place to do it’

Ben, though, does not agree with this view. Instead, he is very comfortable, confident even, in letting the loudest and most foul-smelling farts out whenever and wherever he needs to.

Over the years this has included: while in line at the grocery store with several trolleys (and shoppers) behind us, in packed cinemas, at dinner parties with friends, at other people’s significant birthdays, in lifts, weddings … yep, Ben has even farted at funerals.

While Ben doesn’t bat an eyelid when he does this, just thinking it is completely normal and healthy to do so, I am regularly left mortified.

The woman is mortified every time her husband loudly farts in public. Picture: iStock

I have literally been pleading with him to stop doing this for nearly a decade, since very early on in our relationship when I first realised the extent of what was happening. I tell Ben that while farting and burping may well be normal and healthy, that there is an appropriate time and place to do it.

Once, I even wrote a list of all the places that it is not OK to let one rip in the desperate hope that maybe if it was that straightforward, he might actually remember and stop. This did not work.

Pretending not to know him

I have now come to the stage where when we are out shopping and Ben farts loudly, I pretend not to hear it and walk away, also pretending not to know him.

When it happens at social situations though, when there is really no choice but to acknowledge it, or apologise for it, that’s when I get the most upset and angry at Ben.

In fact, it has caused hundreds of fights between us – me not understanding why he can’t just go to the bathroom to fart, him not thinking that he needs to and that it is everyone else’s problem. Which smell-wise, at least, I suppose it is.

*Names changed.

This story was first published on Kidspot and is reproduced here with permission