How one dinner party changed a couple’s marriage forever
When Kierstyn joined her husband and his co-workers for dinner, details of “drama at work” emerged — leaving her marriage completely different.
Kierstyn’s entire life would have turned out differently if she hadn’t grown up watching teen dramas such as The OC and One Tree Hill.
It sounds insane, but it’s completely true.
It’s from these classic shows the US woman learnt a lesson that would change everything — she wasn’t complete until she found a boyfriend.
“Early on I developed this belief and it stuck. I thought that in order to be accepted or loved, I needed to have a boyfriend,” the now mum-of-two first wrote on Love What Matters.
“A couple of years later, around age 15, I was introduced to a guy.
“I just was happy to have a boyfriend, and I didn’t want to lose him.”
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‘HE BET HIS MATES HE COULD DO ANYTHING AND I WOULD STAY’
Over time, this fear of losing her boyfriend only strengthened.
This meant that even as he began treating Kierstyn badly she felt like she had to stay.
“He started belittling me. Calling me names and purposely treating me badly,” she said.
“In fact, one time he had made a bet with his friends that he could do just about anything and I would stay.
“He bet them that he could go into my car, throw eggs literally on my head and face, and I would stay.
“I’m ashamed to say he acted on his plan.
“I’m more ashamed to say he won the bet, and I stayed with him for some time after that.”
‘HE WAS AS DAMAGED AS ME’
Although Kierstyn and her first boyfriend finally split up a couple of years later, the pattern of that relationship continued to repeat itself.
With each successive partner, Kierstyn found herself putting up with more and more offensive and damaging behaviour, constantly blaming herself for their lack of respect.
And then she met her husband.
“He had a similar past to mine,” Kierstyn said.
“He had made some mistakes.
“I literally remember thinking, ‘He’s as damaged as me’.”
‘I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT’
Soon after meeting, and just months after Kierstyn graduated from high school, they got married and moved in together.
It was a period of adjustment but together they made it work.
“He said he needed some time with friends here and there,” she recalled.
“I said I needed him to be more even-headed and keep his temper under control.
“Soon after that we found out we were going to have a baby.
“I remember when I found out I was pregnant I had mixed emotions.
“One of which was knowing that this made us even more tied together.
“As if being sealed for time and all eternity hadn’t already done that.”
‘THE DRAMA AT WORK WAS SO MUCH MORE …’
About halfway through the pregnancy, Kierstyn and her husband joined a few of his co-workers for dinner.
At one point, a man asked her husband if he had told Kierstyn about the “drama at work”.
“I noticed my husband get uncomfortable, but I wasn’t sure why,” Kierstyn said.
“Without asking, our friend went on to tell me about it.
“‘Yeah, at work there is a rumour that your husband is sleeping with a girl that works with us’, he said.
“He laughed because just like me, he thought that would never happen.
“I laughed as well, but there was a part of me that wanted to know why someone would ever say this.”
‘WAS HE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THESE WOMEN?’
Although Kierstyn soon brushed the comments off, the Facebook messages she found a week after she gave birth to their son were a little harder to ignore.
Her husband wasn’t talking to his co-worker but instead to a girl he had gone to high school with.
“The time with friends he had needed was time with her,” she said.
“He would tell her where to pick him up, where to meet and more.
“Most of the times were in the middle of the night when I had laid pregnant and asleep. Tears filled my eyes.
“I suddenly remembered the rumour about him and the other woman at work.
“Was that true? Was he having an affair with these women?”
‘IT WAS FOR MY SON’
It would take Kierstyn another 18 months to finally realise the truth about her toxic marriage.
The family-of-three were driving home one night when Kierstyn’s husband began berating her for her sensitivity.
“He began to scream at me, ‘The problem is you. You need to change. You’re too sensitive!’” she recalled.
“He began to punch the dashboard, and I felt the fear I’d felt so many times before, but this time it wasn’t for just me. It was for my son.
“I saw his car seat in the back seat and I looked over at my husband throwing his red knuckles into the dashboard.
“Right there, I promised myself I would NEVER let my son grow up thinking this was love.”
‘YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE’
So Kierstyn made the brave decision to walk away from her toxic marriage for herself — and her son.
She went on to meet and marry a great guy — and now has another son with him.
“Almost immediately after I left, my ex began to date the girl he was ‘rumoured’ to be having an affair with at his work,” Kierstyn said.
“I started to heal and get the help I needed.
“My therapist told me, ‘You accept the love you think you deserve’.
“I ultimately knew I didn’t want to accept a love like this again.
“I had accepted this kind of love since I was 15, and I needed to stop the cycle.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing similar issues in your relationships, help is available. Contact 1800 RESPECT, White Ribbon or alternatively, click here to see a variety of support services available by state. If you believe you are in immediate danger, please contact police on triple-0.
This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission
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