Do I have to include my oldest friend in my bridal party?

If someone has assumed that they are part of your bridal party when they’re not, here’s how to tell them without totally ruining your friendship.

For many brides with an abundance of friends, choosing their bridesmaids is an impossible choice.

This week Jo Lamble shares how to tell someone that they are not your bridesmaid without leaving the friendship in tatters, Body + Soul reports.

Question:

I’m having a hard time deciding on bridesmaids for my wedding. My oldest friend assumes she’ll be one of them, but I don’t want to ask her. We’re not as close as we once were and she hasn’t always been there for me when I needed her.

She didn’t even come to my son’s first birthday. She also doesn’t get along with my other friends so I know there will be drama in the lead-up to the wedding. But I still feel uneasy about not including her. What do I do?

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How do you tell someone that they are not in your bridal party? Picture: Getty Images

Jo’s answer:

Isn’t it a pity that engagements are not all fun and games because of the difficult decisions that sometimes have to be made? No wonder some people choose to elope – or is that just in the movies? You obviously want your wedding to be really special, but it won’t be if you think that having your oldest friend standing beside you will detract from it.

If you’re only having one or two bridesmaids, you can explain that you couldn’t involve all your friends. If you’re going to have a large bridal party, it will be trickier. If you’re not as close and she hasn’t reciprocated your needs in recent years, chances are that the friendship will continue to fade.

You don’t owe her a full (or any) explanation, but if she asks you why she’s not a bridesmaid, you could say that you seem to have drifted apart a little, but she still means a lot to you and you really want her to be at your wedding.

This story was originally published in Body + Soul and has been reproduced with permission