Jo Thornely wants men to stop wolf whistling women in response to Joanna Lumley’s comments

A WOLF-whistle is when someone wants you to feel good or they want you to know they’ve noticed your tits. Jo Thornely wants you to stop.

Wolf whistling: Don’t go there, gentlemen.

IN AN interview with The Mirror in the UK this week, Joanna Lumley — famous for being both on Ab Fab and reasonably ballsy, has poo-pooed the idea that wolf-whistling is offensive, calling the practice “a compliment”.

Perhaps we are, as Lumley continued, “sensitive flowers nowadays” who are “very offended by everything”.

Sure, sometimes people are offended by the tiniest, most inconsequential things. Apostrophes in the wrong place. Donald Trump’s alarming tangerine hue. The theory of evolution.

But sometimes, things that may seem small are part of a larger culture, way of thinking, or privileged habit that represent a very real history of treating some humans like secondary garbage. Blackface. The portrayal of gay stereotypes. Wolf-whistling.

It took me a while to understand why blackface was offensive. As a white middle-class person, I’ve never, ever been subjected to racism. I have the privilege of not knowing what it’s like to have a history of my race’s struggle to be seen as equally human being represented flippantly by dickheads who think it’s a bit of a laugh. People whose actions are basically saying “Yeah, I know you guys used to be bought and sold and killed and abused when this was first popular, but come on, it’s Book Week”.

But I do know what it’s like to be a woman, and even though I too consider myself reasonably ballsy, I also know what it’s like to not feel comfortable walking alone at night, and to have had to avoid having my drink spiked, and to have had my work feel less important than my dress size, and to have had strangers on public transport think it’s okay to squeeze my bum. I assume that most wolf-whistlers don’t know what that’s like.

The difference between a compliment and a wolf-whistle on the street is the difference between someone wanting you to feel good and someone wanting you to know they’ve noticed your tits. It can’t be argued that in most cases wolf-whistling isn’t sexually charged. If I save a toddler from drowning at the beach and get a wolf-whistle, it’s safe to assume it’s not because of my CPR skills.

Put it this way: if you wouldn’t wolf-whistle your sister or your brother, don’t wolf-whistle a stranger.

We don’t feel more attractive when we get wolf-whistled on the street. We feel like the whistler is watching us like a slavering lecher when we’re just trying to walk from one point to the other. We feel like one of the inflatable safety cushions between us and sexual violence has been popped, and for every one of those cushions that gets popped, the less safe we feel.

A compliment from a stranger — regardless of gender — can be nice or it can be a bit creepy, depending on the context and delivery. But receivers of compliments from strangers are under no obligation to be grateful for them. There’s probably people reading this thinking “she’s not even that attractive, she should be grateful for anything”. A compliment from a stranger isn’t a favour. And a wolf-whistle isn’t a compliment.

If you absolutely can’t control yourself from giving strangers compliments though, here are some suggestions that are much, much better than wolf-whistling:

Smile and say hello

Granted, smiling and saying hello sounds like crazy talk, but it’s pretty good in a pinch. The most important part of smiling and saying hello, though, is watching how the person you’re greeting reacts. If they look up, say ‘hello’, and then look down again, they’re not interested in any further human interaction with you today. Look, you tried.

Compliment them with actual words about anything that isn’t a body part.

It’s just a really good rule to not make comments about people’s body parts unless you know them pretty well. It doesn’t matter how politely you tell a stranger nice things about their breasts, they’re going to react negatively a lot of the time. Maybe say something nice about their accessories, or how good they probably are at maths. They’ll decide whether they want your compliment to become a conversation. Hint: they won’t, they’re just trying to get to work.

Show them a picture of a puppy

Everybody loves puppies. If your day has been improved simply by looking at another person, then surely that person deserves to see a picture of a puppy.

Leave them the hell alone

This is a really great option, and by far the best one if the person is wearing headphones, walking by themselves, or is the only other person in the train carriage. There’s lots of places where people choose to go to meet people, and it’s almost always not walking down the street or on public transport. Politely enjoy how they look, and then go quietly on your way.

— Jo Thornely doesn’t get enough attention at her day job, so she writes for various outlets, takes up way too much bandwidth on the internet, and loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely