How to deliver the best compliment every time

FOR something that costs so little and means so much, we really don't give out compliments as often as we should. But, there is a knack to paying a compliment, and it's different for men and women.

You can hug a compliment. Picture: Thinkstock

FOR something that costs so little and means so much, we really don't give out compliments as often as we should.

"People don't give people compliments because they fear they will be rejected," life coach Lisa Phillips told news.com.au. "But it's silly because nine times out of 10 the person on the receiving end will appreciate it. We shouldn't be afraid or nervous. It doesn't have to be a special occasion to compliment someone."

Ms Phillips knows how to deliver the best compliments, every time:

Be specific

If you really want to give a compliment, keep away from the standard "your hair looks nice", "your shoes look nice" or "your clothes look nice" because people have heard these before. It pays to be specific with your compliments and use "I" statements, as they are undeniable. Focus on people's personality traits and praise people when they do something well.

How to compliment friends

What I often do with friends is say, "I really like having you as a friend because..." Or, "I have known you for years and I'm grateful to you for..." Or "Thank you for listening to me just now, you've made me feel a lot better". When you're specific about why you're grateful to someone, they are so much more appreciative. If you do really like the way your friend dresses, say something like, "I really like the way you put clothes together, it's always so clever and it suits you a lot", rather than a throwaway, "Oh you have nice shoes".

How to compliment your partner

Men in particular like to be acknowledged for what they've done. So if you've been nagging your partner to do something around the house and they do it, it's good to say, "I appreciate that you did that for me" as it makes them feel appreciated, and in turn, loved.

For women, pick something specific like an experience and use that. You could say, "I really liked our date last night, I'd forgotten how much you made me laugh".

How to compliment your boss

This is definitely not a no-go zone. We're all the same - everyone likes a compliment. You could say something like, "I really appreciated how you supported me in that meeting" or "I am really grateful that you understand my flexible working hours". Compliments like this are definitely acceptable, and you're actually encouraging that behaviour to continue, and contributing to a more positive workplace.

Delivering compliments in person versus in writing

In person is the nicest way to deliver a compliment, but a card or an email is also fine - as long as you take the time to actually tell someone what you think of them, it will be appreciated.

Or type a compliment! Picture: Thinkstock

How to receive a compliment

If you find it difficult to give compliments, you probably don't find it easy to receive them yourself. You need to practice receiving them. Listen to what people say when they compliment you, and acknowledge that within yourself.

For example, if you don't think you're attractive, no matter how many times people tell you that you are, you're not going to believe them because you don't believe it yourself. When this happens with my clients, I get them to write down in a book every nice thing people have said about them, and then they re-read it and they really start to allow the compliment to soak in rather than just letting it filter through their head.

Actually acknowledging that this person took the time to say something nice when they didn't need to is something as well. Start noticing when people give you compliments, and start to believe it.

Start now

Think of something nice and positive to say about every person you meet and it will start to become habit. To start, think of five things you really like about someone you've spoken to in the last 24 hours. Call, text, email or meet up with them, and tell them. Good luck!

Continue the conversation on Twitter: @KateMidena | @newscomauHQ

###