How to deal with hypersensitive people

WE ALL know these people. The hypersensitive friends, family or colleagues who constantly complain or overreact and drive us bananas. Well it’s time to stop them. Here are four essential strategies.

Kristen Wiig in a scene from film Bridesmaids.

WE ALL know these people.

The overly-critical friend who finds fault with everyone - and everything - in their lives. Chronic complaining relatives who always have a problem, or rarely find anything to their liking. Argumentative and overly-emotional colleagues who are easily offended and struggle to agree even on things that seem insignificant or inconsequential. Most of us at some point or another will find ourselves having to deal with hypersensitive people who are prone to defensiveness.

Reflect on the people in your life that have a tendency to over dramatise and demand more sympathy or concern than situations typically warrant. How much time do you spend giving advice to people who never seem to follow through and take the steps they need to? Do you find yourself listening to the concerns of people who seem hell bent on believing the world is out to get them?

The draining influence these precious people can have on both our time and energy is immense. If we allow them to, these people will suck the positive energy out of us to fuel their seemingly never-ending need for negativity and drama. As they choose to look at the glass half empty they expect us to give them the strength to endure their circumstances. They expect other people to fix their problems and will draw on your talents and energy for as long as you allow them to.

Addressing the impacts of these people matters to your own sanity and quality of life but often also to others around you.

Reflect on the influence precious people have on your other relationships. Does your parent or sibling consume your time and energy leaving less in reserve for your partner or children? Do you allow the dramas created by people in your extended family to stop you spending quality time with friends and colleagues?

As tempting as it may be at times to simply ignore people who constantly complain or overreact, the only way to overcome the impact they have is to deal with it. Four essential strategies to dealing with precious people include:

Have expectations

Of course it’s important that we listen to, care for and support the people in our lives to cope with the challenges they encounter. What’s also important however is that we expect people to help themselves and strive to move past circumstances that make them unhappy.

Begin by expecting people to take responsibility for how they feel and impact others around them. Show respect and regard, but expect also that they take responsibility for how they choose to think, feel and behave; including when times are tough or not to their liking.

People who take ownership for their own lot in life look for ways they can change or steps they can take. Those who don’t, blame events, people or conditions outside of their control for everything that makes them unhappy.

Listen to understand

Sensitive people need to feel heard and understood. Having empathy and listening is critical to earning their trust and in turn being in a position to influence them. To influence anyone you need to appreciate how he or she thinks and feels. Understanding people will better enable you to challenge the beliefs and assumptions fuelling their concerns.

Have Tough love conversations

Engage in honest conversations with people about the impacts of their behaviour on you, others and their own reality. Be upfront while at the same time sensitive in your approach. Talk to them about how they can best go about overcoming their issues. Encourage them to speak about any concerns going through their mind before they become blown out of proportion.

Be kind but firm

Respectfully challenge exaggerated reactions. Point out when emotional responses such as crying, complaining or arguing are making it hard for them to maintain perspective. Ask that they set those reactions aside so that you are able to have a meaningful and productive conversation.

Help them to understand that the way they are choosing to feel is undermining their judgment and ultimately their ability to succeed. Be empathetic while at the same time challenging people to choose more productive thoughts and emotions.

Karen Gately is a leadership and people-management specialist and a founder of Ryan Gately. She is the author of ‘The People Manager’s Toolkit’ and ‘The Corporate Dojo’. For more information visit www.karengately.com.au.