Charisma can be learned: How to be the person who lights up a room

MARILYN Monroe rocked it like a boss. Oprah possesses it effortlessly. Katy Perry sizzles with it, firework-style. But what is it, exactly?

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MARILYN Monroe rocked it like a boss. Oprah possesses it effortlessly. Katy Perry sizzles with it, firework-style. But what is it, exactly?

Charisma, oh that elusive, beautiful quality that lights up a party, an office, a silver screen. The dictionary defines charisma as, “compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.”

That sounds pretty damn accurate to me. Even after charismatic people leave a room they still manage to leave their imprint … their magic lingers, their energy is still felt.

So what about the rest of us? We all know a charismatic leader, colleague or friend. Someone who we just love to be around. One who makes us feel good and light and engaged. One who makes any meeting or social gathering much more enjoyable.

The good news is, charisma can be mastered. Here are seven sneaky tricks that charismatic women know which skyrocket their allure from lukewarm to megawatt.

1. Be interested in other people

Asking questions and being curious about others is downright alluring. Egomaniacs and self-serve talkers are boring. I’m already snoozing just thinking about the few of them I know. They can put a room to sleep talking about the minutiae of their work life or recent holiday. I secretly pray I never get sat next to them at a dinner party.

A critical side note is, you learn nothing when you are the one talking. So ask people about themselves. They will love you for it and you can learn a lot. Being an asker makes you more attractive and smarter.

2. Don’t be a bitch

Kindness, making other people feel comfortable, is very attractive. We may think laughing openly at someone’s style or being snappy with a slow bartender exudes a sassy attitude but, in fact, you just look like a dragon. A high maintenance dragon. People will shy away from being burned by you. It’s not cute on any level.

3. Accentuate the positive

There is something so attractive about being around people who see the good in everything. Even saying something like, “that ice sculpture’s so crazy!” versus “that ice sculpture’s so tacky!” makes a big difference. Complainers suck the life out of us and the beauty out of their surroundings.

4. Be easy

It’s so fun to be around people who are easy to be with. Don’t be a doormat but also try and avoid being the lunch date who needs a no-gluten, low-fat/no-sugar balsamic dressing — oh, hold the nuts and eggs! — kale instead of iceberg salad, please. Oh, and wait … there is no diet Sprite?! Make it easier for others to hang out with you. Once in a while you can be a little fussy, but over time it wears other people out.

5. Be researched

Charismatic types are social chameleons, yes. They can fit in anywhere but not by compromising who they are. They expand and invest in who they are and what they know. You can be authentic in lots of settings if you know a little bit about a lot. Read the news. Try a new book. Get to know the world. A wide and varied conversationalist makes you comfortable and engaging in wide and varied settings.

6. Have a signature something

Do you accessorise better than socialite Olivia Palermo? Could you put Amy Schumer to shame with your quick wit? Being known for something is a brilliant and easy way to always be remembered. Don’t be afraid to dial it up and dazzle people.

7. Love yourself

Nothing, absolutely nothing, beats being comfortable in your own skin. People who can just be who they are, unapologetically and without overthinking — exude a quiet confidence that we all secretly aspire to. You just know they love and approve of themselves. You therefore naturally approve of them too.

Charismatic people have nothing to prove. They impress because their effort is effortless. They care about others. They are kind. They are optimistic. They are fun to be with. They are interesting. They own their gifts and are OK with who they are. They strive to be a first-rate version of themselves, not to be a popularity queen or a second-rate version of someone else.

So if you want to be the girl that everyone falls in love with, you have to fall in love with yourself first.

Susie Moore is an Australian confidence coach living in New York City. Get free weekly tips at www.susie-moore.com