Why a third of your dates are pointless

YOU should ditch everyone who appears in the first 37 per cent of your dating life, says an expert.

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DO YOU cringe when you think about your highschool boyfriend or girlfriend? There’s a good reason why.

In a talk promoting her book The Mathematics of Love, UCL’s Dr Hannah Fry said studies have revealed that you should ditch ‘everybody who appears in the first 37 per cent of your dating life’.

This is known as ‘optimal stopping theory’, she told the Cheltenham Science Festival, adding: ‘If you do that you are giving yourself the best possible chance of finding the best possible partner.’ The theory means that if a man started dating when he was 15, and plans to settle down at 35, then he should cross anyone who he dated when he was between 15 and 22-and-a-half years old off his list of potential long-term loves.

Dr Fry went on to say that if he picked one person at random out of 20 people he had dated in his life, then he would have just a 5 per cent chance of choosing the best partner. However if he rejected all the people he went out with before he was 27, and picked one partner out of the remaining women, then the chance of him picking the best match for him would rise to 38 per cent. But Dr Fry said the theory had its limitations, adding: ‘If you are 21 and dating someone awesome, then don’t dump them. It’s just a nice bit of maths.’

She also claims that maths can help find answers to common love-life dilemmas. For example, according to her research, women who tend to approach men are more likely to get a husband or boyfriend who they get on with – compared to those who simply sit and wait to get asked out.

And crucially, she found that couples who have a ‘low negativity threshold’ – or in other words complain about things that annoy them readily, just like Coronation Street’s Jack and Vera Duckworth, are less likely to trouble the divorce courts.

Actress Vanessa Hudgens and actor Zac Efron dated five years ago when they were still doing High School Musical.

Dr Fry said: ‘I thought that a high threshold of negativity, where you let things go on and let your partner “be themselves”, would be more successful.

‘But the exact opposite is true. The couples who end up doing best have a really low negativity threshold. When things bother them they speak up immediately and don’t let small things spill out of control.’

She based her view on research led by Dr John Gottman in Seattle. His team measured everything from facial expressions to heart rate and blood pressure – and then rated comments made by each spouse for joy, humour, affection and interest.

The experiment was carried out on newlywed couples and lasted for several years. The team found that a key point was the ‘negativity threshold’ – or the point when the other partner feels compelled to speak up. The scientists found that when a partner reacted to a negative comment without a great deal of provocation, the relationship tended to be very successful.

And looking at the negativity threshold helped the researchers predict which couples would get divorced with an impressive 90 per cent accuracy. The researchers compared ‘repairing’ problems in a marriage to treating a small scratch early, which is better for your health than dealing with it when it has become badly infected.

The team said it was less damaging to have a minor argument rather than give each other days of the silent treatment – which only made the problem worse.

Dr Fry said that couples who had a lower risk of divorce also had a ‘deep-seated positive view’ of their partner and would view any annoying behaviour as temporary rather than permanent.

She went on to say: ‘But high-risk couples were exactly the opposite, they have a deep-seated negative view of their partner and any bad behaviour reinforces that idea.’ However Dr Fry also warned couples that they should do their best to resist the temptation to let rip. She said it was extremely important that when you bring up something that you find irritating about your partner, you make the comments gently and supportively rather than aggressively.