What is a ‘love bomber’? Psychologist reveals how to spot one
Women are urging others to “be careful” of guys who do this – and now a psychologist has revealed how you can avoid these men too.
Experts are warning singletons about a “dangerous” dating trend that gives one partner complete control – and you won’t even realise they’re doing it.
“Love bombing” is the act of showing over the top affection really early on in a relationship in order to gain the upper hand.
Psychologist Jocelyn Brewer told news.com.au’s ‘I’ve Got News For You’ podcast it begins with acts such as compliments and gifts that will give the victim an injection of dopamine and norepinephrine, the love chemicals that give us those ‘giddy’ and ‘euphoric’ feelings.
But while it feels amazing at the start, the love bomber will then withdraw, creating tension and leaves you feeling uneasy, she said.
“So it’s like all of those exciting chemicals actually then becomes like walking on eggshells,” she told host Andrew Bucklow.
“So you’re not sure if you’re going to get a compliment, or you’re going to kind of be told off for doing the wrong thing.
The Sydney-based psychologist said this is a form of psychological abuse in relationships now recognised as “coercive control”.
However, while we want to make sure we’re not being “manipulated”, Jocelyn explained you need to be “careful” not to confuse normal declarations of affection with love bombing.
Psychologist reveals how to spot a ‘love bomber’
“One of the best signs is noticing how you’re feeling about it [the act of affection],” she explained.
“Really tuning into whether it feels ‘too much’ or ‘too quick’.
“Figure out what is your level, get connected with that, and put aside some of those stereotypical notions you might have about romance and, you know, seduction.”
Jocelyn also said other things to be on the “look out” for are really expensive gifts and over the top declarations.
How to deal with a ‘love bomber’?
“This is about boundaries and communication and knowing your red flag,” she advised.
“So if you’re clear about those boundaries and you can engage in a meaningful conversation around that, you might be able to salvage it.
“However, red flags often don’t turn green and being able to act upon that early rather than you know, in my case, it took me a year to get out of a relationship with somebody like this.”
Who is likely to ‘love bomb’ you?’
Jocelyn said not much research has been done yet into this form of relationship abuse, but said in heteronormative relationships it appears women are more often the victims of the scenario.
A study published in 2017 determined people who love bomb often tend to have narcissistic traits.
“It’s sometimes about low self-esteem and a sense of trying to get control,” Jocelyn added.
On TikTok, the hashtag “#lovebombing” has clocked up just under 6 million views to date, proving the topic is affecting many of us.
Reaction to the many signs and traits of a love bomber, with some declaring it “terrifying” and something they “wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy”.
Others shared their own tips for spotting a love bomber.
“Another way to tell is to try to enforce a boundary. A love bomber will not respond well to boundaries because they seek to manipulate/control you,” one said.
“Be careful because once they have you addicted, because once they have won you, they often move right on to the next,” another said.
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