The most ridiculous part of Blake and Louise’s split

AS FAR as public breakups go, this one takes the cake. When Blake Garvey and Louise Pillidge split they didn’t just part ways.

EX BACHELOR cum love rat Blake Garvey has broken up with Louise Pillidge, the woman he dumped Australia’s sweetheart Sam Frost for, and we need to talk about what they did next because it is SO FECKING RIDICULOUS.

They’ve done a tell all with New Idea and I can’t pick which part is more preposterous. No that’s a lie, I absolutely can. It’s the part where someone thought it would be a good idea to do a BREAKUP PHOTO SHOOT.

Blake and Louise are standing next to each other, looking forlorn, staring off into the distance, wait for it: on a cliff top!

ONLY IN NEW IDEA: Blake and Louise exclusively reveal they've split. "I've been crying, numb and angry" she tells us pic.twitter.com/7zobysokWi

— New Idea magazine (@NewIdeamagazine) April 17, 2016

I mean, what a positive day on set that must have been!

It obviously begs the question: How does one dress for a breakup photo shoot? If it were me, I would’ve gone a black taffeta ball gown with severe shoulders, black wide brimmed hat resplendent with netting pulled down over my eyes, a dash of red lipstick and long black gloves.

Think Alexis Carrington from Dynasty, only less subtle.

Like this.

Louise went for a dusty pink shirt dress, natural make-up and her hair was styled in a delicate side part.

Blake’s purple shirt (the international colour for women, because he’s not a total monster) is casually rolled up at the sleeves to say: “Hey I put some serious work into my relationship, look at my sleeves, they are rolled up, because I put some serious work into my relationship.”

I’m not sure I would’ve positioned them on top of a cliff, that seems fraught with danger. I’d like to have seen her setting fire to the dried out roses he gave her on the show (I am almost 100 per cent sure she has kept them). A spectacular flaming potpourri inferno, with Blake dressed as a sexy fireman. In black though: we’re in mourning after all.

I do appreciate the positioning of their arms, so heartbreakingly close yet so desperately far. Obviously that represents the downfall of their relationship — they were in the same physical space yet heading in different directions.

OK that’s enough now.

Do you know what it really left me thinking? Where the HELL are her girlfriends?! Allowing this photo shoot to occur is the equivalent of not alerting your mate to a period stain on the back of her dress that is tucked into her undies with a roll of toilet paper hanging out. Yes, the unholy trinity of friendship failure.

Lou, I am addressing you directly now: this man picked you THIRD! Not even SECOND, the one after that! That should have rang all the alarm bells to begin with.

I noticed that one of your “friends”’ popped up in the New Idea article and said: “He can be moody and switch from freezing her out to talking her down. We hate to see it because she’s a beautiful soul and deserves better.” Oh how kind. But where was this person when the break up photo shoot was suggested?!

Are you wondering what the response was from the woman who Blake dumped for Lou in front of the nation?

Well, former jilted-Bachelorette-contestant-cum-national-treasure Sam Frost kept it VERY classy.

All breakups are awful & sad. Let alone having to do it in the public eye. Go easy on them! I just hope Lou is ok & staying strong.. xx

— Sam Frost (@Sam_Frost) April 18, 2016

BUT ... I’d like to think she was totally doing this when she whipped that well mannered tweet up:

None of my business at all.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Facebook.