The eight guys you’ll constantly come across on Tinder

THE guys you’ll be swiping on Tinder this weekend can easily be divided into eight categories. This photo of Shane Warne fits neatly into two of them.

Just another shirtless selfie guy ... Wait, is that Warnie? Picture: Tinder

NAVIGATING the online dating scene as a heterosexual woman is a skilful art that requires a keen eye and the ability to read between the lines.

With apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, the modern ‘little black book’ has expanded to a simple mutual swipe right. Despite many of these apps claiming that their users are indeed seeking meaningful relationships, judging by the types of guys I seem to come across time and time again, I find this a little tricky to believe. Here are eight of the most common and cringe worthy male profiles you are likely to find on Tinder and other dating apps!

TOPLESS GUY

I’m not sure if this technique works, but the second I see a profile with a guy with his shirt off I don’t care how good looking you are — you are getting an exceptionally hard swipe left buddy. Maybe it’s the Aussie in me and my dislike of anything that says, ‘I’m awesome at life’, but there is something super unattractive about a guy that knows he’s good looking. I don’t care how many packs you have, 6, 8, 12 — I’m really not interested.

CUTE PUPPY GUY

This one to me is technically cheating, because yes, I am about 50 per cent more likely to swipe right on your pic if there is an adorable pooch involved. But guys keep in mind, if all six of your profile shots are with your four-legged friend, I am going to smell weirdo. Cats? Forget it. Cat ladies are crazy, cat gentleman? Crazier.

MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN MY PROFILE PIC GUY

This is what How I Met Your Mother’s Barney calls ‘The Cheerleader Effect’ and it works with both genders. From a distance, the group looks attractive enough — if you’ve had a few drinks you might even say ‘hot’. But look a little closer at each individual and you’ll see you’ve been played the fool. Don’t think I also haven’t missed the fact that if you don’t have any pics by yourself, I don’t know which one you are.

CORPORATE LOSER GUY

Please don’t ever post photos of yourself at a bar doing shots in a suit. Coupled with ‘I’m in finance’ and my interest drops to zero. Weddings are the only exception to the rule but please, only post one of these.

THIS IS ME WITH A FAMOUS PERSON GUY

I’ll never quite understand this one. Apparently you think I will be super impressed by the company you keep. Actually I read this as, “I can’t keep my cool around famous people and I am totally fanning out right now. I have asked them for their autograph and this lame photo to show all my friends and make me look totes amaze on Tinder.”

THIS IS ME WITH MY HOT FRIEND — I HOPE YOU MISTAKE HIM FOR ME

Very strategic, as I always end up leafing through their other photos just in case he is actually the hot one. Nine times out of ten I find myself rather disappointed.

I’M ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY HOT BABES GUY

If your goal is to intimidate me by the high percentage of attractive women you like to surround yourself with or to set the standards that you expect your future date to meet, then you have another thing coming. You have just branded yourself as a shallow player and I will not be played.

SELFIE GUY

Often combined with shirtless guy, the serial selfie guy oozes, ‘I’m a little bit self absorbed’. His backdrops are usually a rack of dumbbells or his bathroom. You have been warned, he is the kind of guy that will have sex with you and wink at himself in the mirror.

I’ve dated all of these guys and don’t get me wrong, Tinder is great for a good time and, if you’re lucky you might even meet Mr Right. But for now, until you guys, step up your profile game — I’m done sifting through second hand Target looking for vintage Chanel. Jeez, I might even look for my next date when I’m actually out and about and leave my iPhone at home.

Why use Tinder when you can use Twitter? Follow Isabel @missizzyofficer