Sophie Cachia on how her bisexuality is not just a ‘trend’

Sophie Cachia was married to an AFL player and had a beautiful life but a spark with a woman changed the course of her entire life.

Question: Is it time we stopped calling bisexuality a “phase”?

I was pondering this when I was slightly (horrendously) hungover on Sunday, following a very fun, flirty boat cruise on Saturday. I was snuggled up in my PJs on the couch and had turned to my only comfort in an hour of need … Netflix.

I had binge watched an entire series called Heartstopper which is about two teenage boys, Charlie and Nick, who discover their unlikely friendship might be something more as they navigate school and young love.

Without giving away too many spoilers, let’s just say one of the boys knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was gay, and the other boy was exploring what it means to be bisexual. Turns out despite his crush on his male friend, he still fancied the pants off Keira Knightley. Fair call.

The funny thing is, I had just had the exact same chat with this week’s Kinda Sorta Dating podcast guest, Sophie Cachia, who famously left her AFL husband Jaryd Cachia for a woman a few years ago.

Sophie was living what everyone thought was the ‘perfect’ married life with a loving husband and two beautiful kids but one night she met a woman and felt a spark she couldn’t deny.

Since then she has come out as bisexual, left her husband and is now engaged to fiancee Maddie Garrick. Sophie and her husband are good friends and co-parent their kids.

Sophie with her fiancee Maddie Garrick. Picture: Instagram @sophiecachia_

Maddie and Sophie with Jaryd and his partner Jacinta and their blended family. Picture: Instagram @sophiecachia_

We discussed what it was like navigating feelings for both sexes and why it took her till adulthood to do so.

Sophie explained that when she was a teen, she was never exposed to that many women who were openly gay or exploring their sexuality with the same sex.

As I pondered on these words, I realised I was exactly the same! I remember there was a girl at school who openly revealed that she was bisexual and, back then, it felt like the most scandalous bit of gossip ever! Very taboo.

Looking back, I remember a lot of girls making out with her at parties “for LOLs” and now ponder if they were just the teeny tiniest bit curious as well.

Going to high school in the late ’90s, it was very rare to see a TV storyline that explored anything outside of straight relationships. However, if you take a good look around these days, bisexuality and homosexuality are common themes in shows like Euphoria, Schitt’s Creek, Grey’s Anatomy and The Morning Show.

“People say to me, ‘Oh it seems like such a trend now to be bisexual’ or, ‘Oh is every woman leaving their husband for a woman?’” said Sophie. “NO! That’s not the case because, if it was, everyone would be straight because society so clearly pushes us in that way. For me it’s just becoming more accepting of humans, and the nature of sexuality.”

It made me stop and ponder: Are people just more comfortable to explore it now that it’s not so taboo? Are more people coming out as bisexual because they’re not as worried about being judged? If a sexual feeling towards someone of the same sex arises, instead of trying to suppress it and hope that it will go away, are we more open to exploring it?

I think it helps that well-known public figures like Sophie are talking about it very openly. And that shows are including bisexual characters more and more often? Dare I say it … are we almost not fussed about someone’s sexuality?

Not so long ago, I was at a long lunch with some girlfriends, and as happens after a few bottles of wines, we started discussing our sex lives. One friend very casually threw into conversation that she made out with a girl the other night, because it felt right.

Another friend then mentioned that she and her boyfriend usually watch lesbian porn because it’s more sensual.

Had this conversation happened back in the ’90s, perhaps it would have been quite scandalous, but these days it barely gets a mention. There’s no deep dive into whether that makes either one of them *gasp* a lesbian. It just means that we acknowledge that sexual preference falls on a spectrum, and that it can change from day to day.

It made me slightly envious of the teenagers who are growing up in this modern world. They’re surrounded by open dialogue when it comes to sexuality and, I could be wrong, but it seems less prejudice. One article I came across this week even questioned whether there will be a need to “come out” anymore.

So here’s to embracing more shows like Heartstopper and more interesting conversations with people like Sophie Cachia, who are getting rid of the taboo in sexuality.

Sophie Cachia’s book ‘Then There Was Her’ is out now and can be bought here.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking