Reason men should always pay on the first date

It’s an age old debate that only gets more fraught with time – who pays on the first date? Caleb Bond says there’s only one answer.

OPINION

You’re on a first date, it’s all gone swimmingly, and the bill arrives.

Now you have to determine who pays. And there is only one correct answer – the man.

This is where things can get tricky.

Some women will happily accept your kindness.

Others will offer to split but happily acquiesce when you assure you’ll pick it up.

A few will, almost as a matter of pride, insist against all protestations that they must pay half.

In the face of such obstinance you can hardly dig in your heels – you want the night to end on good terms or perhaps follow on to another venue.

But there is no reason for a woman to insist she contribute to the cost and nor should she.

A man unwilling to foot the bill on the first date shouldn’t be there at all and a woman unwilling to let him ought to consider why that is.

Caleb Bond believes men should always pay on the first date. Picture: Tricia Watkinson

Some women see it as a marker of equality or proof that they can fend for themselves. But that is the antithesis of what a first date should be about.

It’s getting to know each other, testing the waters and seeing if sparks fly. An integral part of dating is essentially dancing – the back and forth, the charming, showing that you can bounce off each other and accept each other’s various facets.

You have to concede things in dating and allowing the man to pay the bill is one of those.

A man paying the bill is not a show of dominance and should come with no strings attached. It is a gentlemanly and chivalrous act.

Chivalry is sometimes, unfortunately, interpreted as some kind of display that women are lesser.

It should be about loving, respecting and appreciating women. Opening a door, offering your jacket on a cold night, letting a woman out of the lift first, paying for the first date – it all signifies your respect and admiration, not your disdain for a woman.

Like manners, they are simple but essential rules for life that are sadly lost on some.

Caleb Bond says chivalry is about loving, respecting and appreciating women. Picture: iStock

I don’t care if you call it sexist but it is in no way misogynistic – that, of course, describes hatred of women.

Men and women are different, thank God. That’s what makes the whole thing work. It may not be fashionable to recognise those differences anymore but they are part of the great tapestry of life.

Women are infinitely better at keeping a diary, for instance, but much worse at arriving at those events on time (which is probably still better than the blokes who forget altogether). I don’t know why, but it’s true.

In my recent and somewhat unsuccessful return to the dating scene, I haven’t hesitated to pay – and I’m usually a tight-arse. It’s the right thing to do. Strangely enough, I actually enjoy it.

After that you can make up your own rules between yourselves. But men, if you want a second date – pay for the first.

Caleb Bond is an Sydney-based commentator and host of The Late Debate on Sky News Australia.