‘Pulling teeth’: Dating act women fed up with

A 27-year-old Australian woman has been left confused over a man’s behaviour following a date.

A 27-year-old Aussie has been left confused over a man’s behaviour following a date the duo shared.

Paije met a man on the dating app Hinge. He was super chatty over text — even if some comments were “cringey”. But, on the date, Paije said it was akin to “pulling teeth” to get anything out of him.

“After about 30 to 45 minutes of getting one word responses from him I just couldn’t bear it anymore. I started monologuing about myself and then did that for the remaining three hours, Paije told news.com.au.

“And I really did try, its not like I took over the conversation and wouldn’t let him get a word in. It was just 30 minutes of me trying to get to know him, even with basic questions like ‘what kind of music do you listen to?’ and his response was ‘oh a bit of everything’.

“And it gets to a point where it’s like, what am I supposed to do with this? I’ve had job interviews that were more lively and engaging.”

Paije met a man on Hinge. Picture: Supplied

It didn’t stop there. The man complained about other dates cancelling on the day. When Paije tried to explain the context of women feeling uncomfortable meeting someone online in real life, the man got defensive. He asked what that had to do with him. The pair also lived close to each other and when they got to his apartment, he tried to kiss her. She said “no thank you” and he turned to walk inside.

Paije was shocked he didn’t offer to walk her home. Then, the following day, she got a text.

“Hey. So I’ve been thinking about our date last night and I dunno it just seemed like you didn’t wanna be there and like you were really uninterested in what I had to say. It just seems like you’re not into me anymore. I could be wrong though,” the man wrote.

Paije told the man he was right. She said she got over his one word answers very quickly.

“So, you’d rather I lie,” the man shot back.

“I don’t understand what you want from me. What should I have said?”

She chose not to respond. But, she did make a TikTok about her experience. Then, the man lashed out at her for doing so.

“It was shocking that someone in their early 30s could be so unaware. I also would’ve understood if he was giving the one word answers out of shyness or in the first 10 to 15 minutes of the date where it’s still a bit awkward, but I honestly think that’s just him,” Paije said.

He was super chatty over text. But, on the date, it was like pulling teeth. Picture: Supplied

The text she got the next day. Picture: TikTok/@cowgirlcapricorn

“I wouldn’t even say he was introverted either, just boring, or a poor communicator at the very least.”

Other social media users shared similar experiences on Paije’s video.

“Did he want you to invent his personality for him,” one asked.

One said: “This happened to me. He invited me over only to find out his like six roommates were there he never told me about and he only chatted with them … and when I went home fairly annoyed, he didn’t understand what the big deal was, LIKE HELLO?”

“Uhhh, I know this feeling,” another said.

Paije said she wasn’t surprised by this response. She said there has been a weird movement where men are using feminism and twisting it so they don’t have to put in work.

“It’s like in their minds, it has been historically men doing everything for women and women just coasting around being pampered, and they’ve decided that they now want a turn,” she said.

“When, as all women know, that could not be further from the truth. I will say I think everyone has gotten a bit lazy when it comes to dating, maybe everyone is still suffering from the social awkwardness after spending two years locked inside.

She said she isn't surprised it has been a universal experience. Picture: Supplied

“But I definitely think that some men have taken this weird skewed, incel/right wing perspective of what feminism is and how they think that feminism is about hating men, and they’ve made themselves victims and now they think that means they’re owed something by women and that it’s now the woman’s ‘turn’ to lead dates.”

Relationship expert Samantha Jayne told news.com.au there were “two sides” when it came to this issue. On one hand, a man may genuinely lack confidence and wants to protect himself.
“He feels overwhelmed and would rather sabotage the date due to his own insecurities to avoid getting hurt,” Ms Jayne said.

“Face-to-face you wonder if he is the same guy, his flirty side disappears, he questions become critical and he blames you. This is all about him, he is second guessing himself and thinking, ‘what is she thinking’, his universal fears of impostor syndrome kicks in, ‘Not being good enough kick in’ and the sabotage begins.”

She said it tends to happen more with introverts. Covid has also played a part in that. On the other hand, it may have something to do with profile pictures. Or, they may just not be feeling your vibe.

“The best thing to do in this situation is to show compassion, maybe the talking guy over text is quiet because he has been ghosted over and over, maybe he needs you to show indicators of interest from you to allow him to then lead and be the person you want to date,” she said.