Kim Kardashian introduced her kids to her new partner. Should I?

Kim Kardashian has reportedly introduced her new boyfriend Pete Davidson to her kids. Here’s some tips on how you can do it right.

Kim Kardashian has officially introduced at least one of her children to her boyfriend, Pete Davidson.

The Saturday Night Live star was spotted driving with Kardashian’s eldest daughter, North West, as his passenger, proving the relationship has taken a serious turn.

The development comes as no surprise with Kardashian saying in an upcoming interview that she is “at peace” with her partner, with whom she has been linked for about six months.

While it’s unclear whether Davidson’s has met the Skims founder’s other three children — all of whom she shares with their father Kanye West — the outing with North, 8, shows the couple had taken the leap make introductions after Kim and Kanye’s divorce.

Introducing children to new partners is an issue plenty of couples grapple with as relationships break up and adults seek to re-partner, and things can quickly become complicated.

Parenting expert and author Dr Justin Coulson shared some tips with Kidspot on navigating the tricky waters of re-partnering when you are a parent.

1. Don’t introduce your child to every person you date

Children rely on predictability and security. They require stable relationships to help them develop trust. And they need people in their lives who are genuinely invested in them.

Allowing everyone you date to “get to know” the kids might seem like a good idea. But unless that new guy or girl will be in your life consistently, it is more likely to create stress, anxiety, unpredictability, uncertainty, and perhaps even jealousy and anger in your children’s lives.

2. Help your children understand

If you have been dating someone for enough time that you believe that she or he will be part of your life in a serious way, share this with your children. Tell them a little bit about who this new person in your life is. Explain why you like him/her. Let the children know that they can meet this new “someone” soon.

3. Expect resistance and mistrust

You will want your children to be excited. After all, you are! (And if you’re not, you may want to rethink the relationship.) But your children may feel differently.

They may “hate” this new person in your life. This person is “replacing” their other parent. Or they may mistrust this new person because perhaps the last person hurt you, or them, or both. They may feel this new person in your life is going to try and take you away from them.

4. Validate and understand

If your children are upset, or if they tell you they hate you (or your new flame), or when they wish “things were like they used to be”, don’t reprimand. Understand. Let them know it is normal to feel like this.

Express that their feelings are valid. You might say, “This makes you feel really upset (or worried, or distrustful, or angry).” Then reassure them that you will still be their mum/dad and will always make sure you have time for them.

5. Pre-arm your partner

Help your new partner know how it has been for your children. Warn him/her about any issues. Then encourage a slow build to his/her relationship with the children. Keep expectations low. Remember new relationships take time to develop.

6. The first get-together

When you decide it is time to meet, pick an activity away from home (on neutral territory so the children don’t feel their home is being invaded) where you, your new partner, and your children can be involved together.

Make it age-appropriate. It could be a bike ride, a game of soccer in the park, bowling, or a bushwalk and picnic lunch. Keep it short (I’d suggest no more than about an hour), upbeat, and fun.

7. Debrief

Talk with your children about the outing. Don’t seek their approval for your partner. Instead, ask how they enjoyed the time out together, and whether they felt safe and comfortable with him/her.

Remember to validate and understand. Then chat with your partner about the get-together and work through their discussion points.

8. Get everyone together again … and again

Have a few more get-togethers with the same rules as the first one. Meet on neutral territory. Choose fun activities.

Make time for chatter and appropriate involvement. Keep them short and light. In a perfect world, comfort levels will increase, trust will build, and your children will see what you see in this new partner.

9. Invite them to your home

This is where it gets serious. If you’re genuine about considering your children’s feelings and getting this process right, you’ll ideally wait until everyone is reasonably comfortable with your new partner before they come to your home.

Make the first visit a meal or something simple. (No sleepovers yet!) Get the children involved if they’re open to it (or old enough to help), and … make sure that they know she or he is coming to see you all – and not just you.

(It’s important that your children know that you’re ‘a couple’ too, and allow you to have some time together.)

10. Sleeping over

If you’re going to have overnight stays, there are some important considerations. First, make sure that relationships are well-established, healthy, and positive.

Next establish clear rules about nudity, and also your new partner’s involvement with the children. For your children’s safety I’d recommend you keep your partner separate from kids’ baths and bedrooms.

You should also reaffirm that when she/he showers or changes, that doors should be closed and locked.

Remember, your children will want to know why you’re sharing a room (or, if they’re older, they’ll already know!). Knowing you are intimately involved can feel like a breach of trust to older children. Tread carefully.

Consider pre-arming them through a considerate conversation about the development of your relationship. Listen to them carefully and respectfully. Validate and understand.

And once things get to this stage you will probably want to consider discussing the implications of your new relationship on parenting and other arrangements with your ex-partner.

11. Moving in

If you have followed the steps above, cohabitation may eventually follow. (Note – most research suggests that cohabitation should follow a serious commitment to the relationship, like engagement and marriage.)

At this point of permanence, conversations with the children and your new partner are necessary (separately).

You’ll need to discuss parenting responsibilities, how your partner should handle ‘discipline’ issues, what to do when you are going out and the rest of the family is home with your partner, and what is needed to help your children feel safe.

You and your partner will ideally get on the same page regarding parenting matters (and it will hopefully be the same page as your ex as well).

12. Take your time

New relationships take time to develop. Relationships in the family context may take even longer. Don’t expect miracles.

Children will often be resistant to your new partner (unless they’re very young) because this new person can rarely really replace their other parent.

Instead, work on making ongoing deposits into your children’s emotional bank accounts on your own, and with your new partner.

In most cases, slowly – slowly is the best option. Over time, the relationships can become positive, trusting, and even influential.

This article originally on Kidspot and is reproduced with permission