Jana Hocking: Why I’ll never want the white picket fence dream

A woman whose ex ditched her for a famous actress has shared the cutting last remark he made that spurred her on to earn millions.

In my early 20s, I was on holidays in a small coastal town with my then boyfriend. As we looked at houses in a real estate window, playing make believe with which house we would one day like to live in, he turned to me with very serious eyes and said… “How about you quit your job, get a local receptionist job up here and we just live happily by the sea.”

He was serious.

But you see, I had just spent the past three years at university working my butt off, and a month before our little holiday I had just scored the absolute dream job, working at Channel 9’s travel TV show Getaway.

For reals, my first proper full-time job was at GETAWAY!! I adored it, and after two years of doing free internships, I really believed I had reached the first major step in the right direction for a brilliant career.

Now, the love of my life was telling me to pack it all in so I could play house with him up the coast?!

RELATED: Type of divorcee you should never date

Jana Hocking knew her relationship was over when his dream didn’t match hers. Picture: Instagram/JanaHocking

The whole four-hour drive home I was silent. The more I thought about it, the more I felt itchy, and constricted and slightly panicked. You see, I knew it was over.

This boy wanted a lovely simple life, with the white picket fence, kids, dog etc, and I… well I wanted MORE!

Now I know that neither of us were right nor wrong in this situation, but it was very clear that after two years of dating we were heading in very different directions.

We didn’t break up straight away, but over the next couple of months it became apparent that he had an issue with my job, and to be fair, I had an issue with his lack of goals.

We were living together in a small town and each morning I would get up early, make my way into the city, have a ridiculously fun time at work and come back raving about the new things I was learning and the work colleagues who were fast becoming friends.

He on the other hand, was working for a few hours and then taking the boat out for some wakeboarding with mates most afternoons. That was his idea of heaven, and trust me I get it, but it certainly wasn’t mine.

RELATED: Horror of being rejected by dating app

Samantha Wills told news.com.au's Kinda Sorta Dating podcast a brutal comment from an ex motivated her to build her $10m business. Picture: Instagram/SamanthaWills

So when I had Samantha Wills on the Kinda Sorta Dating podcast this week and spoke about her own dilemmas with dating and trying to climb the career ladder, it really spoke to me.

One story in particular gave me life! She talked up about a guy who asked her to attend an event with him, only to ghost her. The following weekend she’s setting up her jewellery stand at Bondi Markets, when her best friend opens the Sunday paper and squeeks.

There, in the social pages is a picture of the ‘ghostee’ with his arm around a Home and Away actress. Yep, she had been ghosted so he could take Tammin Sursok to the event instead. The horror!

It gets worse.

Jump forward an hour, and said ‘ghostee’ is walking through the crowds of Bondi locals at the markets IRL, his arm draped around her. He struts up to Samantha’s stall, and states “Oh THIS is the little hobby you were talking about” (oh no he didn’t!! Spoiler: yes he did!).

He called her jewellery business, a little hobby. First she got sad. Then she got mad. “Oh I’ll show you a hobby!” she thought to herself. She had previously turned down a stall at Australian Fashion Week because she didn’t think she was ready to show her goods yet. But this ghost calling her designs a ‘hobby’ really stirred something in her and she decided it was time to make a point.

So she put down a deposit for a stall and before you know it, she’s been inundated with orders, which launched a career that turned into a $10 million empire.

It made me think to myself “I’m so glad I didn’t settle!”.

Why? Because like Samantha, who turned that little “hobby” into a $10 million global empire, I also went on to lead a pretty darn good life. (Sure, it was no $10 million empire, but hey, give a girl time.)

Ten years on, Jana has no regrets about her difficult break-up. Picture: Instagram/JanaHocking

Now that I am able to flash forward ten-or-so-years I can happily say we both ended up where we were supposed to be. Him, with a gorgeous wife and two kids. Me with a very fun career, occasional fling and a passport full of stamps.

One thing I am learning whilst navigating this ridiculous thing called love, is that if you want something successful in the long term, you’ve got to want the same things, and more importantly support each other.

I am so chuffed that my ex found everything he wanted. Admittedly, not initially, but in the long run, breaking up was the right thing to do.

So I know this sounds tedious, and boring, but write a list. Yep, write down everything that is important for you in a partner. For me it is, career progression, goals, a ridiculous sense of humour and a life filled with travel and exploration.

After years of feeling like there was something wrong with me for not wanting the typical life goals; husband, house, kids, I’ve realised that so much time can be spared looking for someone like minded.

Sure a quick little romance with someone not at all in line with your wants or goals is fun, but do you know what’s more fun? A life spent with someone who shares the same hopes and dreams. Oh lord, did I just step into a day time movie?! But seriously, whilst opposites attract… does it really attract forever? Something to ponder…

Jana Hocking hosts news.com.au’s Kinda Sorta Dating podcast | @jana_hocking