How to transfer success skills at work to success in dating and love

IT’S almost a proverb. The attractive, smart, successful woman who is a legend at work but unlucky in love. Should it be the other way round?

IT’S almost a proverb — the attractive, smart, funny, successful woman who is a legend at the workplace but unlucky in love. Hollywood, self-help authors and therapists have made millions because of them. We all know a woman like this. Maybe you are one of these women.

The white-hot crucible of female insight (aka my girlfriends and I at a downtown Manhattan restaurant) created a list of skills that savvy women have really mastered in their work life.

These talented women use skills every single day that are totally applicable and transferable to the dating world. It might just not be so different after all!

1. Taking action

Assertive women proactively seek out opportunities and do not wait for them to land on their doorstep. Effort equals reward — what are we all doing to secure love in our life (as well as the next promotion)? Are we socialising enough/dating online/truly putting ourselves out there?

2. Being cool

You don’t freak out at your boss — cry, scream or get worried when he or she does not give you exactly what you want, right? Successful women create a sense of harmony in the workplace. Be that easy to be with and low-maintenance girl on the dating front too. Not only is it extremely attractive, it makes you feel calm and in control.

Play it cool. You don’t freak out at your boss, so why freak out at your boyfriend?

3. Accepting risk and being vulnerable

We can blend strength with softness. Just as there are no guarantees in any job, there are no guarantees in love. Successful women accept this in the workplace and forge ahead anyway but are less apt to do this in love (due to the fear of the pain/rejection/loss).

4. Expecting and enduring bumps in the road

You had some negative feedback from your manager. Your client is driving you crazy. There is some office tension lately. Do you just throw in the towel and say, “see ya!”? No! Just like in personal relationships we sometimes need to persevere and be strong when the going gets tough.

5. Presenting

In the old-fashioned best-selling book on dating, “The Rules” it says the less a man sees of your least glamorous habits early on, the better. Think about it — the interview process is akin to a first, second and third date. And at the first 3-6 months of any job we present our best self. We have a smile on our face, wear cute and varied outfits and never enter the office without a positive attitude (the must-have accessory). This is a vital dating skill too!

6. Using their network

Successful women know that networks matter. They nurture them and call upon them when they need to. What if we used our networks in a much more decided and determined way when dating? Are we asking our networks for help and introductions?

7. Balancing brain AND emotion

We have certain expectations of our job — salary, working conditions, cultural fit. And when job-hunting the position has to be available! We need to do this when we are dating too. We can’t expect to date men who are not obtainable (cheaters, noncommittal types, men who are not age appropriate). Yes — we need chemistry but a practical foundation has to be in place too. We need to engage our heads, not just our hearts.

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr: Ultra successful, unlucky in love.

8. Asking

Asking for what you want is a critical life skill. Successful women ask for raises, promotions, new projects. We need to communicate our needs in relationships too — more time alone together, more physical affection, whatever your desire is. And, like in the office, we need to be receptive to feedback when we have these conversations.

Like your employer gives reviews, you can take time out and give your relationship regular (unofficial!) reviews too. By communicating your needs on both sides you are much more likely to receive what you want.

9. Boundary-setting

Like success at work, success in love does not involve pulling all the weight or putting up with unfair treatment. Dating is a different kind of work but it is still work sometimes. Success depends upon fair treatment from both sides and does not thrive when any one person is making all the effort or is co-dependent or needy. It’s teamwork.

10. Knowing when to exit

I love this one. Successful women know when it’s time to move on. How many of us stayed in (or are currently in) a relationship perhaps a year or two too long? I have been there — professionally and personally. Your time is precious and non-renewable. Successful women know when and how to exit with grace and move on to the next thing. And they are stronger and wiser when they do. They learn from their mistakes.

Unlike a new job, the dating terrain does not come with a job description. And like every man, every job is different. In the same way that successful women shape their jobs, you have the power to shape your relationship over time. Successful women enjoy their career. They allow it to help them learn about themselves and want to improve all the time. They give it their best and they have fun doing it!

All successful women have a healthy dose of confidence too. This is king here. Like at work, in love you just have to own who you are and show the world what you got. What are you waiting for?

Life coach Susie Moore.

Susie Moore is an Australian Life Coach living and working in New York City. Sign up for her free weekly lifestyle tips at www.susie-moore.com