How to be an awesome first date

DON’T feel daunted, it’s surprisingly easy to be an awesome first date. Here are 10 simple tips that will guarantee a second one.

FIRST dates are daunting. Many consider them akin to a job interview. And like a job interview, where you gotta make it through the process in order to get the job, you gotta make it through a first date in order to snag the man (or woman).

Some of us enjoy first dates more than others but the flutter felt when our potential love interest enters the bar, or when we hear the sound of that unfamiliar car pulling up, is universal.

Here are some simple tips that you can apply to your first day to make it rock for both of you!

1. MAKE AN EFFORT (A BLOW-DRY DOESN’T COUNT)

It’s one thing to glam up for a date. But it’s another thing to sprinkle a bit of rouge on your perspective, too. Instead of thinking, “ugh — another first date!” you can think, “I get to meet someone new tonight who is making an effort to get to know me.” Attitude is everything. If you align the effort you go to in order to look great with a sincere effort to feel great, you’re already a step ahead.

2. DROP EXPECTATIONS

It’s astounding how many women let really decent men go for superficial reasons such as, “he hasn’t been to Europe” or “he says ‘but’ at the end of his sentences.” It’s important to choose your deal-breakers wisely. My husband visited Europe for the first time with me and it was magical — I loved showing him the parts that I knew. A good friend of mine playfully teases her boyfriend about incorrect use of the word “but”.

The most important thing about your date is his character. Is he kind, honest, loyal? Zone in on those qualities — the kind that are important in a friend. Don’t let a laundry list of expectations ruin what could be very promising potential. I tell my clients they are allowed three non-negotiables. Yes, only three. For example, “tall, sporty, funny,” or “affectionate, ambitious, loves family.” Consider your three and be open to everything else.

“But he tried to shovel raw salmon in my mouth” is not a superficial reason. This is just weird.

3. ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

There is nothing sexier than someone who can “bring the party” wherever they go. Positivity begets positivity. A happy disposition is tres hot! How much more attractive is the friend or colleague who can laugh with you when you break a wine glass or spill your soup? This applies to dates, too! No matter what, never, ever, ever complain or criticise. Is the bartender really slow or the food average? Just be patient and then only eat a little. Nitpicking is not alluring on any level. Be easy to be with.

4. CONSIDER THE VENUE

If you have a say in the venue, suggest a place that’s lively but where you know you can definitely get a seat (and where the service is decent). There’s nothing worse than both of your eyes darting around for the first 20 minutes of the date, hoping for a table to open up. The background buzz adds ambience and you can relax knowing you’ll have a drink in your hand and an appetiser on the table.

5. KEEP IT LIGHT

On one of my first dates the young man launched into a story about his very manipulative ex-girlfriend just 30 minutes in. This topic (and tone!) left zero opportunity for a romantic connection. Hey, I’ve suffered too — I have been divorced. It’s not fun. But a first date IS meant to be fun! Leave the deeper stuff for later. Just allow the first date to be about chemistry and compatibility. Focus on any topics that you might have in common (skiing, career, a love of Thailand). Avoid anything divisive or polarising (politics, religion, feminism). It’s only the first date!

6. ASK QUESTIONS

Sometimes we just want to impress and so over-talk. Sometimes we feel shy and speak little to avoid saying the wrong thing. Everyone has a story/lesson to share and people instinctively like to talk about themselves. So ask questions. This is the single best tip for an easy, fun date. Questions like, “what’s your favourite thing to do at the weekend?” or “where is your number one place to go to on holiday?” are great, light questions.

Also — even if someone does not work out for you romantically, who is to say that a friendship is out of the picture? You can learn something and like something from everyone you meet, especially if you adhere to Rule #2.

7. SHOUT A LITTLE SOMETHIN’

Chivalry is very much alive and I believe that men like to pay for a first date (unless it’s totally clear there is no connection in which case going Dutch is fine). As a woman I still like to pick up the tab for something — a cocktail, a cab, a coffee. It shows generosity and consideration.

If your date doesn’t have much disposable income you can suggest an inexpensive date — going for a latte and a walk or a takeaway lunch in the park.

8. ALLOW A LITTLE MYSTERY

Don’t launch into a chronology of your life. In this respect, a first date is definitely NOT a job interview. It’s boring for someone meeting you for the first time. Just share snippets of some of the most interesting parts of your life. There will be plenty of time to get into details later.

Also, be sure that you end the date. You can say something like, “This has been awesome, Josh! Thanks for a lovely evening. I have a really busy day tomorrow so I should probably let you go.” It’s good to leave him wanting more of you.

And it goes without saying: Don’t get pregnant.

9. MANNERS, MADAM!

Be very appreciative. Be overt in thanking your date for planning the date/treating you to dinner/whatever it is that he has taken care of.

10. WATCH YOUR WINE

Sometimes our nerves can get the better of us and we drink too much during a first date. Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker in Los Angeles says stick to a two-drink maximum. I support this rule and have screwed up in the past when I have drank too much. You want to be poised, in control (and remember the entire date)!

Susie Moore is an Australian Confidence Coach based in New York City. Sign up for her free weekly wellness tips at www.susie-moore.com