Dating is hard, especially a first date

Dear Mr Tall Dark and Handsome, bite me.

Even Nicole Kidman and Jimmy Fallon have had bad first dates.

I’M not your “single in the city” kind of gal, I’m not a prolific dater and after this week, trust me when I tell you it will be a while before I go on another date.

I met this nice enough guy a few days ago — no, not on Tinder — and we decided to meet up for a drink. Mistake number one.

I got to the bar at 4pm on a weekday to find him waiting for me, drunk.

So I sat down and he proceeds to tell me all about his life, and by life I mean how expensive his clothes are, how his ex-girlfriends thought he should be a model and how being a lawyer was really easy and he doesn’t understand why more people don’t do it.

At this stage I needed a drink, so I walked to the bar, made some friendly small chat with the bartender and come back to the table. His first words?

“Were you flirting with the bartender to make me jealous? It’s not going to work.”

That is when I began planning my escape route, as there were no windows in the bathroom, it would have to be an old fashioned “got an emergency call” excuse.

Before you judge me for wanting to bail, did I mention he also told me I would look better with some eyeliner? He did.

Before I even have a chance to get the “call”, I see him walk over to the bar and have words with the bartender I was supposedly having an emotional affair with.

I was mortified. I had so many emotions coursing through me I fell into a sort of stunned trance until I could decide whether to punch him in the face or run.

I decided on the latter, made up and excuse and legged it out of there.

So to Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome — which is exactly how he described himself to me — if you are reading this, hung-over, I very much urge you to take a break from the dating scene, or possibly seek some professional help.

But I’m not alone. Here’s another bad first date, aired on worldwide television. Poor Jimmy.