Chantelle Otten reveals ‘biggest struggle’ dating Aussies face

Chantelle Otten has revealed the biggest struggle Aussies are facing when it comes to dating as life goes back to normal.

Psycho-sexologist and relationship expert, Chantelle Otten, has revealed the biggest struggle Australians are facing when it comes their relationships and dating as life goes back to normal.

In a chat with Jana Hocking, the host of news.com.au’s relationship podcast Kinda Sorta Dating, Chantelle said that communication was “definitely” the greatest hurdle people face.

“Sex is complex, people are complex, relationships are complex. I think the biggest thing is communication. People don’t know how to talk about it, or their partner doesn’t know how to talk about it,” The Sex Ed You Never Had author explained.

Especially post-lockdown, as many people grapple with anxiety as they return to dating, Chantelle said talking to your partner – or potential partner – was more important than ever.

“If you are someone who suffers anxiety when it comes to dating – I know I definitely do – do you think it’s healthy to tell the person you’ve started dating, ‘Hey, I get a bit of anxiety’ – or do you think that will freak them out?” Jana asked.

Psycho-sexologist and relationship expert Chantelle Otten. Picture: Instagram

“No [it won’t freak them out],” Chantelle responded.

“How cute is it when someone’s like, ‘I’m really nervous’ or ‘I’m anxious’ or ‘Gosh, I haven’t done this in so long’, or ‘I’ve never done this really before, so go gently with me, be patient.’”

Chantelle added that she’s a “big believer in putting all your cards on the table”.

“Good, bad, in between, just lay it out there because you’ve kind of got to show a bit of your baggage for someone to go, ‘OK, well this is what I’m signing up for’,” she said.

“But I also think you can say, ‘Well, this is what I’m working on at the moment. I’m working on my anxiety around dating. I’m working on realising who I am now in 2021 compared to 2020 when all of this started.’

“Of course you’re a different person. So I think it’s good – it adds to the conversation as well.”

Jana said that while in the past she’s been “so on the fence with how much you share on a date”, it was “nice to hear that it’s perfectly fine to tell someone, ‘Hey, I’m a bit nervous’ or ‘I do have a bit of anxiety.’”

“We’re all human after all. I went on a date with a guy a week or so ago and he sent me a message before he got to the restaurant and he was like, ‘I don’t know why but I’m really, really nervous.’ And, you know what, it took my guard down, because I was really nervous as well,” she told Chantelle.

Kinda Sorta Dating host Jana Hocking.

“And so then I went, ‘Oh good, he’s nervous too’ and it made me feel better. So I really love that tip – cards on the table.”

Communication also plays a role in what dating app Bumble has deemed the “young Millennial relationship”.

Chantelle explained it as going “hand-in-hand with the rise of slow dating, where we’re taking bit more time, we’re being mindful in our dating process, we’re getting time to know each other and build a meaningful connection before committing or advancing the relationship any further”.

Jana said that the emphasis on “getting to know someone properly” was one of the “good things to come out of lockdown” – which Chantelle agreed with.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been single, but I remember back in the day, it used to be more of a frenzy, and it was exhausting,” she said.

“So I really, really like this trend of slow dating so that you’re like – I don’t have to be in a rush right now, I really need to find the right relationship, rather than just searching for any relationship.”

The Kinda Sorta Dating podcast hits iTunes and Spotify on Thursday | @jana_hocking