A text message exchange has revealed a sad reality for women

A simple text message exchange posted online has exposed a harsh reality for dating in 2023.

Text messages exposes women are worried

A woman has been called out in a popular Facebook for calling a man’s seemingly benign text “patronising”.

The woman posted a text exchange between her and a man she’d matched with online in a Facebook group that is usually a safe space for women to call out the bad behaviour of men.

The group is reserved for women sharing funny memes, screenshotting men’s gross responses on dating apps or coming to the group with man dilemmas.

Usually, when women post a text exchange in the group complaining about a man messaging them, women comment in solidarity with the poster and confirm her assumption the messages were out of line.

This time, things went very differently.

The messages seemed fine enough. Picture: Facebook

The women shared this in the group. Picture: Facebook

The women posted the text exchange and labelled it “oh so patronising,” yet at first glance at the text chain, it was difficult to work out what the problem was.

The messages seemed innocent enough; he asked how her Halloween was, she told him it was good, then he said he’d been busy working.

Naturally, she asked what he did for work, and that is where things allegedly took a turn for the worse.

“I’m a joiner. You know what that is?” He asked.

The woman seemed to take issue with the fact that he assumed she didn’t know what a joiner was, which prompted her to post their private messages in a group filled with thousands of women.

The post was met with confusion from other members who felt the text exchange was perfectly fine.

Plenty admitted they didn’t know what a joiner was either, arguing it was an uncommon enough job title that it wasn’t arrogant of him to presume she might not know what it is.

If you’re in that camp and have never heard of such a thing, a joiner is just someone who works with wood and constructs components of buildings such as doors, window frames and stairs.

After being called out for labelling the exchange “patronising”, the woman deleted the post, but it does beg a bigger question: have women become too paranoid about men?

Dating online is complicated in 2023. Picture: iStock

Psychologist Carly Dober said the instant suspicion some women have about men often stems from their own “experiences” with the men in their lives.

Ms Dober explained that it isn’t uncommon for women to be treated poorly by men and often, women’s poor experiences are reconfirmed by the women around them who have similar bad experiences.

“This can lead to a sense of despair, hopelessness, anxiety, being jaded, and wanting to be proven wrong”, she explained.

Ms Dober explains why women are cautious when dating. Picture: supplied

There are ways to avoid being too cautious when dating. Picture: iStock

Ms Dober said while it is important to remain diligent when dating, you need to consider how you’re approaching relationships. If you’re thinking the worst, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“If you approach each male with this subconscious or conscious attitude this may colour interactions with them, leading to a disappointing dynamic that only further reinforces this belief,” she warned.

So, how do you avoid looking for the worst in a potential partner without becoming blind to potential red flags?

“Having a personal boundary with yourself,” Ms Dober said.

Ms Dober advised giving people the benefit of the doubt until they give you a clear reason not to is the way to approach dating.

She said it was important to have “specific behaviours” in mind beforehand that you decide are deal-breakers, so, if they arise, you can easily know when someone has crossed the line.

Ms Dober said if boundary setting is something you struggle with, consult with an expert to gain a better understanding.

“If this is something you struggle to implement, connecting to a psychologist can help provide more tools and different perspectives that also affirm your life experiences,” she said.