The insane vagina glue no woman will ever want

LADIES, behold the ‘Mensez Adhesive Vaginal Lipstick’. A chiropractor has invented a glue for down there and it’s even more disturbing than it sounds.

Our lips are sealed.

LADIES, have you ever looked at the products on offer in the feminine hygiene aisle and thought “There must be a better way?”

Well, prepare for your downstairs to be dazzled by the latest suggestion from a man who appears to have zero understanding of women or their bits, Dr Daniel Dopps.

A chiropractor from the US, Dr Dopps describes the vagina as a “self-cleaning shower drain” (swoon) and has used this incredibly scientific understanding of female anatomy to come up with a product no woman in their right mind would want — The Mensez Adhesive Vaginal Lipstick.

Yes, it is as bad as it sounds.

As Forbes reported, Dr Dopps is the CEO of a company called Mensez Technologies and describes his ingenious invention as a “natural compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick that is applied to the labia minora which causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vaginal opening and urethra exit.” As if the whole process wasn’t bad enough.

Well this is disturbing.

Apparently Dr Dopps thinks we should all walk around collecting our own menstrual fluid until it’s time to go to the bathroom where the Mensez compound is “instantly washed away with urine, [releasing] the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet … Safe, secure and clean.”

If you’re thinking, “Well, I’m sure this will never get past the concept phase,” Dr Dopps was granted a patent for the lipstick on January 10 proving there may not be a single female working at the US Patent and Trademark office.

The good doctor has said he won’t be making the product himself (thank goodness) and advises it’s a “personal hygiene product and should not be shared with others”.

As if there is a woman alive who would tap another female on the shoulder and utter the words “I don’t suppose you’ve got any vag glue I could borrow?”

Naturally, after testing the waters on his Facebook page, the response was swift and harsh. But proving he’s the ever-diplomatic inventor, Dr Dopps responded to the concerns of potential customers with these carefully considered words:

“[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25 per cent of the time, making them far less productive than they could be.”

I think it might be time for Dr Dopps to take his magical lipstick and use it to glue his own lips shut.

Rachel Corbett is a writer, radio, TV and podcast presenter and creator of the online podcasting course, PodSchool. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook.