Woman reveals she didn’t know how her mum died for 20 years

A woman has revealed how one conversation with her sister more than 20 years after their mother’s death revealed what truly happened to her.

A woman has revealed how finding out the truth about her mother’s death just two months after she was born changed how she viewed motherhood.

Rachel Pan Resnekov appears on Tuesday’s SBS Insight episode, called Discovering A Hidden Past.

Ahead of the episode, Rachel told news.com.au that her mother died two months after she was born.

“There was no mention of [of my mother] growing up. To be honest. I don’t know much about her – I don’t even know her full name,” Rachel revealed.

“I did try to ask but I was just told she died of sickness.”

Rachel has opened up about her family's secret. Picture: Supplied.

The Sydneysider said in her family’s culture it wasn’t typical to question elders so she just assumed her father and other family members didn’t want to talk about the painful experience.

It wasn’t until Rachel was in her early 20s when she learned the truth about her mother – that she had taken her own life.

Rachel’s older sister revealed their mother had taken her own life after battling post-natal depression following Rachel’s birth.

Her sister had been told the information from another family member.

“I think at that point, I was just maybe just a little bit shocked and didn’t really process it at a time,” Rachel said.

Her mother passed away shortly after she was born. Picture: Supplied

But as she sat with the information she started to feel guilt.

”I think some part of me was like, ‘Oh, is it because of me?’. I felt really upset that I thought it was me because if she didn’t give birth to me then it wouldn’t have happened,” she said.

However, as the information sat with her for a few more days she realised she wasn’t at fault, and that mental health is extremely complex.

After that, she tried to broach the topic with her father again but he brushed off the conversation with Rachel once more.

Rachel said her mother's death isn't spoken about. Picture: Supplied

“In Western cultures, it’s quite open and people see therapists,” she said.

“But in Asian cultures nobody wants to bring it up again.”

She said mental health was almost seen as a weakness – but she believes that is changing with her generation.

Rachel added that her friends in Singapore are breaching the topic of mental health but there is still a vast difference compared to how her friends there and in Sydney speak about it.

However, more than a decade on when the now 35-year-old fell pregnant with her daughter, she became concerned she would follow in her mother’s footsteps.

So she confided her fears in her husband and sister to form a support network in case anything happened.

“I was worried about having post-natal depression to the point of suicide, and I knew after giving birth it was normal to feel a bit blue and tired,” Rachel said.

she said the knowledge helped her during her own pregnancy. Picture: Supplied

She said because of the knowledge her sister had shared with her, she was able to constantly check in with her emotions.

That – and her husband’s support – allowed Rachel to realise the days she was feeling a little more drained than others.

Rachel’s daughter is now nine months old, and the family is happy. She plans to be open with her daughter about mental health.

She hopes sharing her story will help others who are scared to speak about mental health.

Rachel will appear on Insight’s episode on Discovering A Hidden Past on SBS tonight (Tuesday, April 4) at 8.30pm, and available to stream on SBS On Demand.