‘I live in fear’ — stalking victim tells her story

‘HE CLAIMED he loved me and that I loved him. He said everything I had done in my life, was to make him jealous.’

Stalker. Thinkstock.

SARAH* is one of the estimated one in five Australian women who are stalked in their lifetime. She told News.com.au her story:

JOHN* met me 10 years ago at my 16th birthday party. He turned up uninvited with mutual friends. We were briefly introduced, but didn’t speak. He was six foot tall and very quiet, but at the same time, creepy.

I remember feeling uncomfortable about the exchange. But then without thinking too much about it, I quickly forgot about his existence.

Months after our run-in, John sent me a friend request on Facebook. As most young naive girls do, I accepted his request to be cyber-acquaintances. I didn’t think anything of it. As a teenager, I had many Facebook ‘friends’ that I didn’t know well.

He began sending me messages on Facebook. I had no desire to develop a friendship with him, so I didn’t reply. One evening in 2012, I logged on to my Facebook account to find an aggressive message from John.

“What the f**k is your problem?” he asked. “You’re the only person on my Facebook that hasn’t interacted with me.” I was scared and confused. I did not know him. I quickly blocked and deleted John so he wouldn’t be able to contact me further. I assumed that would be the end.

Six months ago, on the eve of my birthday, there was a knock at my door. My father answered the door to a six foot tall male who demanded to speak to me. He sensed that something was wrong and refused this stranger.

Moments later John returned to the front door. He said he saw my car in the driveway and knew I was home. He was again refused.

I felt sick in the stomach knowing who it was. How did he remember where I lived? How did he know what car I drive? How did he know my dad’s name?

The following day I received a five-page love letter in the mail. The letter was from John* and the contents were very disturbing.

He claimed that he loved me and that I love him. The whole letter was full of his delusions and a false sense of reality. He stated that everything I have done in my life, whether it be my relationship with my boyfriend or my career choices were because of him and to make him jealous.
Unbeknown to me, he had been fixated on me for over 10 years.

More than 500,000 Australians are stalked every year — mostly by someone they know.

I reported all incidents to police. After countless interviews and ‘stern’ phone calls with John, the police officers said it was obvious that he wasn’t in a sound mental state, and was not going to stop harassing me.

They strongly advised me to obtain a ‘personal safety order’ and instantly install safety measures around my home to protect myself.

This was the day my life changed forever.

After visiting the magistrate’s court for multiple hours over 2 days I was granted a 2 year personal safety protection order. This order, I was told, would give the police more power.

But months after receiving this piece of paper he has continued his stalking. While he hasn’t contacted me directly, as the order forbids that, he constantly harasses my family and friends to “pass on a message to me”.

Because he is not directly harassing me, the police cannot do anything about it. Each time I report the harassment to police, they send me away and tell me that it is not a direct breach therefore there is nothing that they can do.

While I acknowledge and respect the police and government’s efforts in working towards a solution to tackle the growing trend of family and domestic violence against women — I feel as though there is an aspect that is often forgotten: the harassment towards women who are stalked by complete and utter strangers.

Our current legal system recognises stalking however it seems to only matter after the fact, when the victim has been physically harmed, when it’s too late.

This whole situation is complete and utter madness. My life has changed dramatically because of a stalker whom I don’t even know and currently very little can be done to protect me.

I experience constant anxiety, I am nervous and struggle to sleep at night and when I do I have vivid nightmares. I am too nervous to leave the house alone and must always tell someone where I am.

I live in fear.

More proactive steps must be put in to place by our government to address stalkers and their mental state to ultimately protect myself, current victims and any potential future victims.

*Names have been changed for safety reasons.

If you or someone you know needs help with a stalker call the Victims of Crime helpline on 1800 819 817 or visit WIRE