Fiona Falkiner: ‘The holiday that changed my life forever and the moment that I realised I was gay’

When Fiona Falkiner was planning a group trip to South America, she never expected it would change the course of her life.

Fiona Falkiner is no stranger to the concept of transformation. In 2006, Falkiner applied successfully to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser, and she was hoping losing the weight would make her happy. But following major success on the show, she found herself spiralling into a deep depression. Here, in a column for news.com.au she talks about life before, during and after living the reality TV juggernaut.

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Travelling is probably one of my favourite things to do BUT I don’t like to travel alone, which as a working model is unfortunate because you are constantly travelling on your own.

Having spent most of my adult life single, I was often without someone to explore the globe with, but I managed to come up with other ways to find company on my trips.

For the past five years I have travelled between the US, UK and Australia for work and each time I went on a trip I would try and get in some exploring. I have now hit 35 countries and counting. Sorry to brag but I had to add it up — I’m aiming to reach 40 before I turn 40 … which scarily isn’t too far off!

I was having brunch with a friend and he mentioned he was in the process of planning a six week adventure to South America with some mutual friends of mine. My ears pricked up. I had no idea at the time that this trip would change my life forever.

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RELATED: Column Two: ‘What happens inside the Biggest Loser house’

My friend invited me over for a BBQ to discuss the trip with the crew who were going. I knew everyone except for one of the girls. They had basically planned the whole trip which was music to my ears. We would fly into Columbia and spend some time there, then head to Peru do a five day trek to Machu Picchu, then finish up in Bolivia doing the salt plains.

It sounds bad, but I love leaving Australia.

The second I step off the plane to another country I just feel like I can relax a little. I know it sounds silly but after spending the past decade dealing with stares and whispers from strangers, paparazzi trying to get an unflattering snap of me at a beach or stalk me on the rare occasion I actually go on a date, it’s just nice to get away from it all.

I guess I feel a little bit free.

The group I was travelling with were all couples except for one guy and girl. I started hanging out with the girl a lot, she was great and we got along really well and I quickly found out she was gay.

Now I will admit … I had had the occasional drunken dance floor pash with a chick before (haven’t we all?) but I had never thought about having a relationship with a woman.

I guess through my upbringing I was never around anyone who was openly gay, except for the boys down the road who were my mum’s friends and they spent most their time bonding over gardening. Even then, it was never openly discussed that they were a gay couple living together.

I think my first openly gay friend was Artie, my fellow contestant on The Biggest Loser and he was absolute heaven and still one of my dear friends to this day. I guess what I’m getting at is beyond the pash and dash on the dance floors I had never allowed myself to think I could have a relationship with a woman. I had always dated guys, albeit pretty unsuccessfully. I always seemed to hit the four month mark with a guy before it would become obvious we were better as friends. Looking back now I can see I struggled to find that connection, trust and love with any of these guys. I had persevered in my search for all that with a man, without ever thinking I would be able to find it with a woman.

One night, after a few drinks, the girl and I kissed.

Artie Rocke was a fellow contestant alongside Fiona on reality TV show The Biggest Loser.

I thought nothing of it and just thought it was another drunken pash, but because we were spending so much time together I started getting “the feels”, you know the ones that give you butterflies. I kept telling myself that this was just a holiday fling, nothing serious, but as the trip went on my feelings grew. In the back of my mind I was scared, actually I was terrified of what this meant.

I was fighting myself over the happiness I was feeling … it was a happiness I had not felt before. As the trip drew to a close, she asked me if I would go on a date with her back in Sydney.

I was so scared to continue this back home, what if someone saw us — or worse, papped us — this was all so new to me and I still wasn’t sure if the feelings were real or just a holiday romance.

After taking some time out on my own I realised if I felt happy with her here then I’m pretty sure it would continue at home. She had seen me at my worst on that trip — like I’m talking seeing me as a sweaty mess while trekking — to helping me get through the worst food poisoning of my life. Like at one point I was hanging onto a tree on the side of a cliff face with my pants around my ankles because we didn’t have time to stop the group and I had to GO. So yeah, she had seen me at my worst and for some crazy reason still liked me and that meant a lot.

When we got back to Sydney we started dating in secret and after four months she was moving in (things move very fast between girls, it’s 0 to 100 in a week). At my request we kept our relationship pretty low key.

We told close friends but that was it. I guess I just wanted to make sure that it was something before someone got a chance to pap us and write about it in a magazine. After a few weeks I felt it was time to tell my sisters. It was actually funny, the first question they both asked was “Really? Do you actually have sex?”

Once I got through that awkward conversation and explained that yes, two women can have sex, they both hugged me and said they would support me, they were happy for me and couldn’t wait to meet her.

I waited a bit longer to tell mum and dad. I waited until I was headed home to country Victoria to tell them.

I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to meet her. I called my dad and said: “Hi Dad, just letting you know I am bringing a girlfriend home with me when I come home next week, I hope this is OK?”

He said: “Of course, darling”.

I then said: “Dad … she is not just a friend she is my girlfriend, we met in South America.”

Dad’s response: “Oh … we can deal with that, we can deal with that, I guess the fellas have not really worked out for you have they? Not a problem, we can deal with that, okay darling, lots of love”.

And he hung up. And that was it! I had come out to my parents.

In terms of coming out stories, I feel I was very, VERY lucky. To put it in context I am 36-years-old and I had only ever taken two guys home to meet Mum and Dad so they were always a bit worried about me and my love life. I think in the long run they were just happy that I was happy and had found someone I loved, and who loved me equally back.

It breaks my heart that I still have quite a few friends who have always known they were gay but haven’t come out to their parents, in fear of what their response will be.

I understand that fear when I talk to other friends about their coming out stories and the responses from their parents is heart breaking. My fiancee said the other day she hopes one day people won’t even need to “come out” at all, it will just be normal to come home with someone and not have their gender matter.

I hope that this is a world we will one day live in.

Even in my short time being with women, it is quite evident we still have a long way to go in accepting sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful I am out now and not three decades ago when people actually got JAILED for being homosexual. It’s horrifying to think that even happened.

But like I said. we do have a long way to go … but I’ll go more into that next week.

Fiona Falkiner is a model, presenter and former Biggest Loser contestant. Follow her journey on Instagram @fionafalkiner. You can read last week’s column here.