Em Rusciano: When taxi drivers go bad

EM RUSCIANO was recently on the receiving end of a disgusting tirade of abuse from a taxi driver. Until one amazing man saved the day.

ON Sunday evening I was driving to my Melbourne International Comedy Festival show and true to form, my car was running on its last petrol fume.

Full disclosure: when the empty light presents itself on my dashboard, I don’t see it as a warning, I see it as a challenge! I don’t know why I have an irrational hatred of stopping for petrol. “Running on the smell of an oily rag” was a term invented about me. I have that down to a fine art form.

I was in Carlton, a busy inner city suburb, and noticed my car was about to take its last gasp. Not wanting to miss my own show due to avoidable stupidity, I reluctantly pulled into a nearby petrol station. Straight away, I noticed that a taxi was blocking the two available pumps.

Frustrated, I scanned for the driver and saw him sitting out the front of the station in no hurry to move on. I attempted to make meaningful eye contact with him; to no avail. I nudged my car forward a bit and he finally realised that I needed to get to the pumps.

He looked at me, got up and slowly walked over to his car. He then sat in the drivers seat for a bit, talked on his phone and after what seemed like an eternity pulled out from in front of the pumps. As he drove passed me I rolled my eyes and shook my head in frustration at him.

I pulled in and turned to rummage around in my handbag for my wallet. As I was doing that there was a loud banging on my window. Startled, I turned to see what was going on and was greeted by the taxi driver angrily yelling at me. He was seriously fired up, tapping on the glass, pointing and shouting.

I tried to get out of my car but he was blocking me in, so I said to him through the glass:

“Excuse me you need to move, you need to stop yelling at me and you need to back right off.”

I could not for the life of me figure out what was happening.

“The camera saw you abusing me! I know what you did. The cameras saw too,” he yelled.

I was absolutely dumbfounded and not quite sure what to do. Normally in these situations I rise to the occasion. I’m not one to shy away from confrontation. However in this instant I was genuinely bewildered. Too confused to summon the hellfire within. He then gestured to the young bloke working in the petrol station to come out.

By now we had the complete attention of everyone at the service station.

At this point I feel I should let you know that I was dressed in full show costume because of course I was. My outfit involved a sequined leotard, feathers and all the glitter I could fit on my face without seriously impairing my vision.

I was quite the sight.

How I was dressed when the incident went down.

The station attendant came over to us as and asked what the problem was. Cue the cab driver losing his mind, again saying that I’d abused him from my car as I drove past.

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed.

“I shook my head at you for blocking two pumps and not moving your car out of the way. That’s it. I did not, at anytime, abuse you.”

Then my friends, s**t got very real. The cab driver took a step towards me and exploded with: “She’s a F**KING BITCH! BITCH! F**KING DUMB BITCH!”

Couldn’t have put it better myself.

It was at that point my body decided to go rogue and start violently shaking. I think the nerves from my upcoming show combined with the adrenaline from the current situation were working together to create an involuntary physical reaction. The young attendant then stepped in front of me, put his hand up and said to the driver:

“You CANNOT say that to her. You must RESPECT women, all women. You CANNOT say that to her. I was watching, she did nothing wrong. You cannot go to her window and do that. You cannot call her that word. You need to leave now.”

A wave of relief washed over me, followed by overwhelming gratitude. He had seen it all! I had an ally! A witness to what had truly gone down. I quickly looked at the operators name badge: Koti.

Koti the brave, Koti the gallant, Koti the honourable.

The cab driver stopped in his tracks, he tried to say something else however Koti put his hand up and stoically said: “No, that’s enough.”

Just as quickly as I’d lost my faith in humanity, with that one gesture it was instantly restored. The cab driver walked away, I put petrol in my car, thanked Koti profusely and went off to my gig. After I’d finished I was talking to my show tech Jim about what had happened and he said to me: “Imagine how sh**ty things must be for that guy for him to have reacted like that. He must be having a bad time of it … Or he’s just an arsehole. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s doing it tough.”

Jim’s words made me feel a little better about the situation. It’s true you never really know what battles people are fighting in their lives. Maybe he was having an absolute crap heap of a day. Whatever the case, I still don’t understand what he thought I’d done?!

I’m still a little shaken over the whole incident, I’ve never really experienced anything like it: a stationary, relatively unprovoked road rage situation.

To Koti thanks for having my back. Too often situations like this quickly spiral out of control, but it was your ability to be assertive while remaining both calm and measured that saved the day. You are a prince among men.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.