‘Didn’t snap’: Cold way Lilie James’ killed in domestic violence murder
The parents of murder victim Lilie James have spoken out about the nightmare, while her killer is described as “calculated” with “bottomless” rage.
The parents of Lilie James, a young woman who was murdered at a prestigious Sydney school by a colleague she had a brief relationship with, have spoken out about how they can never forgive the killer - describing him as a “monster”.
It comes as a forensic psychologist described Ms James’ murderer Paul Thijssen as having a “narcissistic personality disorder” adding he “did not snap” when he brutally ended her life by beating her to death with a hammer.
Meanwhile, one of Thijssen’s ex-girlfriends has revealed the terror she endured after ending their relationship in an investigation aired on Sunday by 60 Minutes.
Ms James, a water polo coach at St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney’s CBD, was found with “serious head injuries” in the gym bathroom by police last October.
Now her parents Jamie and Peta are speaking out about their beautiful, bubbly daughter and how Thijssen’s senseless crime has left them devastated.
Both said they could never forgive Thijssen, whose body was spotted by tradies at Vaucluse in the water near Diamond Bay Reserve two days after Ms James’ murder, where police had earlier been searching for him.
“He can rot in hell. Lilie didn’t deserve this at all. At all. Selfish, self-centred, entitled and it’s
just wrong,” Mr James told 60 Minutes.
“I think if you knew what he did that night, I think you’d understand why we can’t forgive what he did. It’s pretty brutal,” added Mrs James, who also revealed she was battling melanoma in her lungs which was diagnosed shortly before her daughter’s murder.
‘It’s calculated’
On the TV program, forensic psychologist Dr Peter Ashkar gave an insight into Thijssen’s mindset on that deadly night.
Just three days after Ms James ended their relationship, Thijssen killed her and Dr Ashkar believes he had a narcissistic personality disorder that left him incapable of coping with rejection.
“It’s cold, it’s planned, it’s calculated. So it’s not like he snapped. He didn’t snap,” he said. “But what happened is, Lilie’s rejection of him caused him to experience that narcissistic injury. So he felt degraded, humiliated, and with that came a flood of intense angry and heated emotion, which boiled into his rage.”
Chillingly, he goes on to describe Thijssen’s rage as “unbridled” and “relentless”.
“It is almost bottomless in terms of its rage and anger,” he explained.
“It smacks of hate. It smacks of callousness. It smacks of psychopathy to a degree.”
Ms James had told her mum that both her and Thijssen had agreed the relationship would never be serious and was just for “fun” and there would be no “hard feelings” once they went their separate ways.
Friends of Ms James’ described her murderer as a “normal guy” when they met him and later when the relationship broke up they were told that it was a mutual decision.
Thijssen was a celebrated former student of St Andrews, who in 2020 returned to work there as a cricket and hockey coach, and had a five-week relationship with Ms James before murdering her.
‘Always wanting me to share my location’
But one person who said she knows Thijssen’s true character was an ex-girlfriend, with the couple dating for several months. She has spoken out for the first time revealing how she was “fearful for her safety”.
“He was, I would say, kind of a bit obsessive, had a lot of need for attention, was always wanting me to share my location, was really thingy about being in my Facebook and Instagram profile pictures,” she said.
She tried to break it off multiple times and he would beg to get back together, she said. The last time when she refused, he punched a tree.
“I was like, “why did you just punch the tree?” and he said, “Because I can’t punch
the one thing I want to,” she revealed.
“I was actually fearful for my safety at that point and basically ran back home.”
Then two days in a row in the early hours of the morning she spotted Thijssen peering through her home’s fence slats into the kitchen where she was standing, adding he looked “deranged”.
“Then I scream and my dad comes running downstairs, he grabs a cricket bat and he fully chases him down the street. He was unhinged, as if he was in some sort of episode,” she said.
While that was the last time she saw him, when news broke of Ms James’ murder she said “sickeningly” she instantly knew it was her ex-boyfriend who had committed the heinous crime, describing it as “terrifying”.
Killer’s text messages
Mr James also spoke out about how he learned text messages he thought were from his daughter pleading for help were actually sent by her killer.
The first one read: “Don’t ask why or call please come to the school now and pick me up.” He immediately responded asking if she was OK and was told: “All good just come trouble (sic)”.
The dad-of-two immediately showed his wife who told him to go and get her to make sure she was safe but Mrs James said “it was already too late”.
Thijssen had followed Ms James into the school gymnasium’s bathroom and CCTV captured him emerging an hour later on his own.
Mr James said he now knows those chilling text messages were from “the monster”.
“We know that Lily passed shortly after seven when she was getting changed to go to water polo, and the monster followed her into the bathroom,” he said.
60 Minutes reporter Tara Brown asked why they think Thijssen sent the text messages.
“Just shows the character that the person is just, as I say, just an evil, evil monster,” Mr James said.
“I think for me, I really think that he was hoping that Jamie would find her,” added Mrs James.
‘Haunt me for the rest of my life’
While Mr James’ search for his daughter increasingly became frantic after he found her bag and pass, he did briefly step into the gym but was glad he didn’t go any further.
At home, Mrs James’ was texting Lilie’s friends and even tried to call and send messages to Thijssen.
Then “all of a sudden” police and ambulance arrived at the school and Mr James was taken to the police station where he learned the truth of his daughter’s horrific murder.
“I had to come home, tell Peta and (her brother) Max. I felt so bad. And play those moments
every day. I feel like I let her down,” he said.
“I’ll never forget that one moment in time when the realisation that she’ll never walk through that door again, will haunt me for the rest of my life. It’s just too awful,” added Mrs James.
Both said their daughter was just going to work and should have been safe.
Mrs James wishes she could ask Thijssen unanswered questions but said there was “no happy ending” and it would “affect us for the rest of their lives”.
‘Confronting’: Murderer’s movements
An intense police search was launched for Thijssen after the discovery of Ms James’ body.
Security cameras show Thijssen, dressed in black, arriving at Chris Bang Crescent in Vaucluse, at 8.47pm after he had murdered Ms James.
He is later seen exiting his silver Lexus and walking along the cliff side footpath at 9.03pm.
In the footage, he heads towards a bin, which police sources alleged he may have dumped the hammer he used a murder weapon.
In a startling twist, his choice to do so in this Sydney street was far from random with the CCTV images captured from one of Lilie’s friends security cameras.
Kristina Avramis said police knocked on her window at 2am because there had been a serious crime. They reviewed the footage and she immediately recognised Thijssen.
“It was very confronting because you know you never really think that you’d go through
something like that,” she said tearfully.
“It almost felt like a movie. I just didn’t think it was, it was real, you know to see them both at my house two weeks before and then this has all happened. It just, my brain still can’t put into pieces what’s happened.”
Her friends have been shattered by what happened and the insidious nature of domestic violence, with one left so scared that she ended up sleeping in bed with her mum and questioning whether they can trust anyone.
“How do people do this after this has happened? Like how do you go out and meet
someone like naturally, like how young people do like in the club? Like how do you trust
another person after this has happened so suddenly?” friend Marissa Seymour said.
“We should never be made to feel like that. Ever. We should be able to go into a relationship, and if we want to leave, we should be able to leave,” added Ms Avramis.
Ms James’ parents have fond memories of their 21-year-old daughter but said they miss hearing her voice.
“The hardest thing too is that we don’t have a lot of stuff where … we hear her voice,” Mrs James said tearfully.
Her dad remembers the last time he saw her.
“I was sitting in the lounge room, watching her eat toast. She eats it in a funny way, her
Vegemite toast,” he recounted.
“I’m looking at the clock, because the train’s going to come shortly, and she’s off in her own little world. But she didn’t seem agitated. She didn’t seem frightened, nothing. It was just a normal Wednesday.”
They describe her as hardworking, “extremely nosy”, a sweet tooth who loved chocolate and ice cream and said she wanted to make people’s lives better with a chat or a smile.
Lilie’s room remains untouched and Mrs James spends time in there every day.
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Both want to see the conversation change around domestic violence. Mr James doesn’t want to hear that the issue is “complicated” and said it just needs to stop.
“For Lillie and her friends, like we’re bringing up women who are strong, educated, know what they want and will go after it,” noted Mrs James.
“But are we teaching our kids how to handle the rejection involved in relationships? I don’t know that we’re teaching our kids that everything’s not going to go their way.”
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