Time Magazine 100 Most Influential People: Why are these names on the list?

OPINION: What is it about the 100 Most Influential People for 2015 that makes them so, and how can I get me some of that? I’m not looking to run governments, I just want my kid to wash.

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MY DAUGHTER is six, and she doesn’t give a (insert expletive) about what I say. I have to ask/tell/beg/order/bribe her to get in the bath at least 12 times every night. I’m told it’s a natural defiant stage. Secretly I think she’s worked out I have no idea what I’m doing. But it sends me BERSERK!

So when Time Magazine released their 100 Most Influential People for 2015, I turned to their list for a crash course in how to be exactly that. Influential. What is it about these people that makes them so, and how can I get me some of that? I’m not looking to run governments, boardrooms or the parent association. I just want my kid to wash.

As I have a short attention span, I was tempted to stop at the usual suspects on the list. Hillary Clinton, Pope Francis, Barack Obama, who is listed for the 10th time, equal now to the other leader of the free world, Oprah Winfrey. But looking deeper into the catalogue, there are more stories to be told.

Stories of doctors who have fought Ebola, researchers who are curing Alzheimers and a woman who wrote a book about how to tidy your house.

There’s the ‘Why Him?’ Like Danny Meyer, the man behind the hugely successful fast food chain, Shake Shack.

OK I know America love their burgers, but by influence, do they mean contributing to the obesity epidemic?

Honoree Kim Kardashian attends TIME 100 Gala, TIME's 100 Most Influential People in New York City. Pic: Larry Busacca/Getty Images for TIME

And the WTF? Like Kim Jong Un and Nigerian terrorist, Abubakar Shekau? Let’s not confuse influence with abject terror. I’ve tried that tactic and my daughter just laughed at me.

I am big enough to recognise that I don’t need to like someone for my world to be changed by their presence.

Kanye West, while regularly an orator of self-aggrandising garbage, most of which sounds like he’s sleep talking, is definitely an influencer — in music, fashion, and red carpet sulkiness. Similarly, his wife, Kim Kardashian, who I assume was included for services to the selfie. Without her, we might never have known how to best photograph ourselves in a mirror, or that Chloe could be spelt with a K.

But we’re here to learn from them, so first on my Influencer’s to-do list — have undying self-belief. And don’t worry if the rest of the world thinks you’re delusional. Or if your daughter thinks you’re not speaking English.

Bradley Cooper was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people.

Kanye West was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people.

Thankfully, influence isn’t all booty and Instagram. There are scientists, Emmanuelle Charpentier and Jennifer Doudna, who’ve created gene-editing technology, which, among other things, can cut out HIV from a cell. Just cut it out. Like picking anchovies off a pizza. Aid workers who take your breath away, and make you feel like you’ve never done a worthwhile thing in your life. Like Tom Catena, who runs the Mother of Mercy Hospital in Sudan, where he is the only surgeon serving a population of 750,000 people! Without meaning to trivialise this extraordinary life, can you imagine how tired that guy is?

I return to my checklist. To be an Influencer, apart from brilliant and innovative, you need to be fearless anddetermined. Already I’m seeing a gap in my commitment to bath time.

Regardless, I push on through the list. There’s Emma Watson for her #HeforShe Campaign. Gaming feminist Anita Sarkeesian, who every day faces death and rape threats because of her work to change the representation of women in gaming culture. Reese Witherspoon for creating roles for women. Mala Yousafzai, Nobel prize winner and activist for girls’ education in the Middle East. Taylor Swift for telling us to shake it off, and that it’s OK to love cats.

It seems influencers are entrepreneurs. They want to make a difference, and their belief in that cause is so great they will dedicate their life to it. I give it about 15 minutes each night before The Block starts.

Kevin Rudd snapping a selfie with WILL I AM in DC

As I scroll through Time’s 100, I wonder if the Obamas ever struggled with bath time. And does hygiene even matter? Can you be influential if you smell like a hippy that’s come from a 3-day music festival? I’ve only met 1 of the 100, Kim Kardashian who smelled like one of her perfumes she supposedly personally designs — not sure which one — Glam or Gold or Gazillionaire. So clearly her mother got her in the bath.

Which leads me to add to my checklist, excellent parenting. Surely mothers have something to do with the development of a great and inspiring person. To that end, I steel myself for another round of our nightly combat. I might be as influential as a rain stick in a drought, but my daughter will wash the half eaten honey sandwich out of her hair. (Cue stirring music) It is my calling, I am fearless, and I will not give in.