Tragic warning signs before my sister’s brutal and senseless murder

NIKITA Chawla was brutally killed three years ago. Here, her brother speaks out about her tragic death.

MY SISTER Nikita was brutally murdered by her partner in 2015.

Before he became a cold-blooded killer, Niki’s partner was the type of man who routinely checked his girlfriend’s phone messages and dictated who she was “allowed” to see or be friends with. He made all the spending decisions.

Before her death, my sister’s partner distanced her from us — her family, and from her friends.

This kind of controlling behaviour is too often ignored, dismissed or excused away, but it shouldn’t be; it’s abusive and it may get worse.

It did for my sister.

Niki was a choreographer and performing artist with her own successful Bollywood dance business. She dreamt of sharing her unique talents with the world and one day working in Europe and America.

But her dream was shattered the night her partner decided to take her life in January 2015.

She was murdered while she slept at her home in Brunswick, in Melbourne’s inner north, in circumstances too similar to many other Australian women since.

I wouldn’t wish what happened to Niki and my family on anyone.

That is why I care about young people recognising the signs of abusive and controlling behaviour.

Nikita, pictured with her brother Tarang, was killed three years ago. Her family are speaking out to try and stop this happening to other women.

When people understand what is acceptable and what isn’t, we have a real chance of stopping abuse before it starts.

One of the things we know about violence against women is that there is typically an escalation. Men do not “just snap” or act violently “out of the blue”. There are signs of growing abuse and many of these signs can be non-physical, controlling behaviour.

Non-physical abuse is shockingly common. In Australia, one in four women have experienced this type of behaviour. This abuse can be financial, social, emotional or psychological, spiritual and technological, as well as stalking.

The trouble with identifying it is that it can be hard to spot, so we all must do our bit to educate ourselves.

MORE: Australia’s shameful domestic violence epidemic

Research by Our Watch, Australia’s leading organisation for preventing violence against women, found that more than any other age group, people aged 18 to 34 found non-physical abuse hard to recognise. Many people also underestimated how common this kind of behaviour is.

This worries me because it’s this age group who are negotiating the unwritten rules of relationships, who might be about to move in together for the first time or get married.

People at this stage of their lives need to know that they don’t have to put up with any kind of controlling or abusive behaviour, and they need to know that it can get worse.

Nikita’s partner monitored her texts, controlled their money and who she could be in contact with. This won’t always escalate into physical violence, but it can be a precursor.

We also know that one of the main drivers of violence against women is attitudes and behaviours that excuse or condone violence.

This means that we need to understand what violence is, and to be clear that controlling behaviour and non-physical abuse is a form of violence.

It’s not just people in relationships but also their friends who need to understand about non-physical abuse. If you see the signs of this happening to a friend, you can be in a position to help.

If we aren’t clear that this kind of behaviour is wrong, we’re more likely to stand by as it escalates for someone else. We all need to play a role in naming it and rejecting it.

Our Watch is this week launching it’s No Excuse for Abuse campaign to raise awareness of the important issue of non-physical abuse. For the sake of Niki, and all women, I hope people take this message on board.

Tarang Chawla is an author and Our Watch ambassador.

Our Watch leads Australia’s work to stop violence against women and their children before it starts. The organisation was created to drive nationwide change in the culture, behaviours and attitudes that lead to violence against women and children.

If you or someone you know is affected by domestic violence, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, always call triple-0.