There’s nothing weirder than seeing a famous person in Australia

Australia currently has a few stars wandering around, and it has unearthed a strange reality we need to face together as a nation.

Celebrity trend in Australia. Picture:

OPINION

There’s nothing weirder than seeing a famous person trying to be glamorous in Australia.

They are on a mission they have no chance of winning because no matter where they are in Australia, they are still probably only 10 meters away from a Boost Juice or, in the glory days of the early 2000s, a Gloria Jeans.

It always prompts ridiculous scenes whenever we manage to con a celebrity into prancing Down Under, because we don’t have a designated spot for celebrities to swan about in.

If they aren’t visiting Chris Hemsworth’s Hollywood pen in Bryon Bay, they are stuck having to try and look fabulous in the most awkward locations.

We don’t have a Rodeo Drive they can strut down with various shopping bags attached to their arms.

All we have is that semi-fancy level in the Bondi Junction Westfield, with a Zimmerman and Chanel shop all on the same level. You’ve probably stumbled across it trying to locate the Kmart, just one level above.

Even with that glitzy level at the junction, no celebrity can look chic on vinyl flooring with harsh down lighting.

It isn’t that Australia is not beautiful, but Australia is far too casual.

Nicolas Cage poses with fans at Busselton Asian grocery store Food of Asia.

Cage living his best Aussie life. Picture: Ghosty / BACKGRID

Currently we have Nicolas Cage swanning around Western Australia, which, honestly, looks more like trudging.

Usually when we see celebrities, they are coming out of hot yoga classes, stepping onto red carpets or visiting each other in their mansions.

Yet Cage has ditched red carpets for redback spiders in Oz, so instead, we get to see him with his shopping trolley navigating a supermarket carpark and taking photos with staff at a grocery store.

Thanks to his quirky eyewear, he looks less like a slick leading man and more like your zany film studies lecturer.

Cage enjoying local life. Picture: Facebook

More of Cage being iconic. Picture: Facebook

Even our own Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban look silly trying to prance around Sydney. Firstly, it is pretty clear Nicole is terrified of getting her porcelain skin sunburnt, so she’s always ridiculously covered up, which makes her sun safe goals.

Yet in doing so, she ends up looking like a celebrity who doesn’t want to be looked at and ironically that makes everyone want to stare at her.

Secondly, seeing them pop into a burger joint in Avalon looks odd. It’s like seeing your teacher outside of school at the local Hog’s Breath Cafe.

Sure, it makes sense that they are there, but they are also teachers and shouldn’t be staking out curly chips in the same place you are.

It is frankly bizarre to see Keith doing anything besides sitting in one of those oversized chairs on The Voice, bobbing along enthusiastically to a mediocre cover of Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car.

Yet it is also comforting to know he can physically get out of that enormous chair to hang out with Nicole.

Nicole and Keith in Australia. Picture: Matrix

Nicole and Keith belong in Hollywood. Picture: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

The thing about celebrities in Australia is that when they end up staying for extended periods, they have zero idea what to do with themselves.

Remember when Zac Efron hung out here for a few months during the pandemic in 2021, and the only posse of A-list celebrities he could rustle up to hang out with was Kyle Sandilands? He also started dating a waitress and his life seemed more like a plotline on Home & Away than a celebrity’s.

It was less rich and glam and more Summer Bay.

Zac Efron was taking over Australia. Picture: Instagram

Natalie Portman at the Rabbitohs game. Picture: Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

You may recall when Christian Bale was here and he was so confused about what to do with his time he was caught photographing seagulls at Bondi Beach like he’d stumbled across an exotic animal.

It was giving more daggy dad than aloof Hollywood actor, but that is just what Australia brings out in a person.

More importantly, how can we forget when Natalie Portman was chilling in Australia and likely made the mistake of asking Russell Crowe what to do for the weekend?

Obviously he said nothing about the Great Barrier Reef and suggested a much better way to understand our country.

Next thing you know she was looking out of place at a Rabbitohs game wearing brand new merch.

Once you peel back the glitz and glamour and pop Hollywood’s elite in an Aussie supermarket carpark, they truly do seem just like us.