The deadly Christmas risk facing countless Australians this year, as domestic and family violence surges over the festive season

This time of year should be a merry one, spent celebrating with loved ones and hopefully enjoying a break. But for many, the next few weeks will be a living hell.

This is about the time each year that Amy* would begin to panic.

Her abusive and controlling husband’s anger always worsened when he was drunk, and Christmas time saw his drinking ramp up.

“I tried my best to make Christmas a really special time for the kids, but it’s hard when you’re constantly walking on eggshells,” Amy said.

“In our household, there was always a lot of drinking at Christmas, which escalated the abuse.”

On one particularly terrifying evening, Amy had a few friends over for a catch-up when her husband called.

He had been out drinking and was on his way home. Intoxicated, angry and belligerent, he warned here: “You’re going to die tonight.”

When he walked through the door, Amy begged him to go to bed. He didn’t, and even though her friends were in the home, he attacked her.

“He grabbed me and shook me. At that point, my friends had taken the kids upstairs, but our eldest daughter heard me screaming and ran downstairs in time to see him slam my head into the kitchen sink.”

Instances of domestic and family violence surge over the Christmas and New Year period.

She tried to flee. One of her friends told her to grab a few things and come with her, which enraged her husband again.

“He came back and kicked me while I was holding both our children. We all fell backwards. We grabbed whatever we could and left then and there.”

The most worrying time of the year

Amy is one of countless women across Australia who view Christmas with a sense of fear and dread, with instances of domestic and family violence (DFV) surging over the festive season.

Data from Queensland Police shows call-outs to DFV matters leapt by 32 per cent over Christmas and New Year in 2022, compared to the previous year.

Across the state, police responded to 595 calls for help on Christmas Day itself, while most other families were celebrating with loved ones.

Victoria Police figures show that two-thirds of assaults committed between Christmas and New Year in 2021 were DFV-related.

Late last month, in the lead-up to the summer holiday period, New South Wales Police carried out Operation Amarok VIII over four days, targeting domestic and family violence offenders.

As a result, more than 500 people were charged with more than 1200 offences.

“The NSW Police Force is committed to tackling domestic violence offenders across the state and ensuring those who are subject to prohibition orders are compliant,” a NSW Police spokesperson said.

And support service Berry Street receives roughly double the number of DFV referrals over Christmas and New Year.

Dire figures like that are increasing each year, advocates say.

“By the time all the presents have been opened, the food eaten, and the crackers popped this Christmas, there will have been approximately twice as many family violence assaults compared to other days in the year,” the advocacy group Safe+Equal reports.

“These numbers are staggering, yet they don’t even paint the whole picture, as we know most people experiencing abuse will never contact the police.”

Anger management counsellor and male family violence expert David Nugent, founder of behaviour change training organisation Heavy M.E. T. A. L Group, said a perfect storm of risk factors combine at Christmas.

“For example, substance abuse is a significant factor, with 47 per cent of domestic assaults involving alcohol or drug use,” Mr Nugent said.

“The season often encourages heavier drinking and substance use, which can act as a trigger for abusive behaviour.

“Additionally, the holidays bring more time spent at home. While this can strengthen some relationships, it can also force couples together in strained dynamics, making it harder for victims to leave unsafe environments.

“Holiday stresses also play a role. Financial pressures, societal expectations to uphold a cheerful image, and the demands of family gatherings can create a boiling point for households already experiencing underlying conflict.”

Amy’s years of hellish terror

When she first met her husband, Amy thought his controlling behaviour was merely a sign he was attentive.

“Looking back, he’d always been controlling. He was a big love-bomber too – he would leave me love notes everywhere, and he had to know where I was and what I was doing at all times.

“And he made sure we were hardly ever apart. But at the time, I thought it was normal.”

He hit her for the first time not long after they got engaged, leaving her “devastated and shocked”. She packed a bag and left, but he was “so apologetic” afterwards and promised it would never happen again.

“Then the abuse started building over time. It crept in. Money, work, seeing friends – he controlled it all. If I was out or at work, he would bombard me with text messages and calls, demanding to know where I was, who I was with and when I would be home.

“After we had our first child, the abuse got even worse. It was as if he couldn’t control himself. By the time I had my second child, I had no love left for him.

“But I was too scared to leave. I really believed that this was just going to be my life, and that I had to figure out a way to make it work.

“I never thought he’d allow me to leave. He’d always say, “nobody else will ever have you. I’ll kill you before you walk out that door.”

A friend introduced Amy to the support service Women and Children First (W&CF), who assigned her a case worker.

She participated in one of the group’s education programs, Expect Respect, and heard from other women who had endured the same kinds or horror she had.

“Hearing their stories was alarming, because it gave me perspective on the abusive reality that had somehow become my norm,” she recalled.

Amy and the kids went to stay in a W&CF refuge and she decided to apply for an apprehended violence order.

It was while she was at the police station with her case worker that her daughter’s school called in a panic. Her husband was there trying to kidnap her.

“When I heard what the school admin officer said, I dropped to my knees. I was so terrified of what might happen to my little girl.

“Thankfully, the team at W&CF sprung into action. They were closer to my daughter’s school than I was, so two case workers dropped everything and rushed straight there. Another two raced to my other daughter’s daycare.

“A fifth member of the team was on the phone to the police, urging them to push the AVO through immediately. It worked. Tom was arrested, and released with the AVO in order against him.

“I still get chills when I think about that day. I can’t bear to think of what might have happened to my daughter if W&CF hadn’t been there.”

Battling at the front lines

In the war against DFV, support services and community organisations carry the overwhelming burden.

They do so on the smell of an oily rag, with inadequate funding and soaring demand meaning many are at capacity, if not well beyond it.

For W&CF alone, the organisation saw 1300 new clients last year and provided more than 20,600 nights of safe crisis accommodation to women and children.

Support services are stretched to their limits in the war against domestic and family violence. Photo: Debrah Novak

Professor Anastasia Powell, an expert in family and sexual violence at RMIT University, said specialist support services, community legal services, therapeutic responses and men’s behaviour change programs have been saying for years that they can’t keep up with demand.

“Long wait lists, delayed access to support and inadequate legal representation are just some of the problems victim-survivors have faced due to this under-resourcing,” Professor Powell wrote in analysis for The Conversation.

“When the service sector cannot respond to all the calls for assistance and intervention it receives, victim-survivors are left in harm’s way. Their lives may be at risk.

“And there are lost opportunities to intervene with people using violence to prevent their behaviour from escalating further.”

The sector has estimated it needs about $1 billion a year in funding to meet the needs of Australians experiencing DFV.

In September, the Federal Government announced a $3.9 billion investment over five years, in response to growing community anger over a lack of action.

Professor Powell described the package, part of a broad strategy agreed to by the National Cabinet, as “unprecedented”.

But the first funds won’t begin flowing until July 1 next year, and support services need that money now.

W&CF is running a Christmas fundraising campaign to help support its capacity. Find out more about how you can contribute on its website.

* Name changed to protect anonymity