‘Off the Richter!' Schoolies let loose in Byron Bay

Schoolies is a marathon rather than a sprint and one secret weapon is needed in order to survive. James Weir recaps Byron Bay 2021.

Schoolies is a marathon rather than a sprint and one secret weapon is needed in order to survive.

“I just need the cheapest tequila I can find,” one shirtless guy groans to his mates as they pound the Byron Bay pavement barefoot in the early afternoon.

It’s the second weekend of partying for our 2021 graduates and momentum is gathering in the northern New South Wales town. The shire’s most famous residents, the Hemsworths, have wisely fled overseas and other celebrities have scurried away like animals do when they sense a tsunami coming.

“It’s off the richter,” one local says of the surge of graduates that have flooded the streets.

An acoustic cover of Nelly’s 2000 hit Ride Wit Me floats out of the Beach Hotel as a never-ending queue of school leavers who were born in 2003 line up outside.

Everything old is new again. Schoolies in Byron is a place where Nelly is considered as retro as Elvis – and cargo pants accessorised with a cross-shoulder bum-bag is vintage.

This generation of school leavers is bold and brave, as exemplified by their desire to wear all-white outfits. Eighteen-year-olds embarking on a week-long bender while wearing white pants without a single stain? The sheer arrogance.

All white errything.

The arrogance.

Not a stain to be seen.

Ouch.

But the hottest new trend for summer is something completely unexpected. Mullets. DIY mullets. Preferably cut with really blunt scissors – or just any implement that has a vaguely serrated edge.

Chic.

Understated.

Stunning.

Gorgeous.

There’s really nothing better than a holiday fling and the fellas at Schoolies are on form. Smooth. Suave. Their pick-up game is strong. Sit back and take notes.

“I recognise you … where do I know you from?” one guy points at a girl in the street.

She stops and turns to look. She’s standing under a street lamp and the yellow glow lights up her cute outfit – a matching skirt and top with a red and white checkered pattern.

“I know!” the guy snaps his fingers. “You’re my mum’s Christmas tablecloth!”

Romance isn’t dead.

Now he’s got the girl’s attention, he asks where she’s heading with her group of mates. She says they’re going to a cool bar down the block – The Bolt Hole.

“The Butt Hole?” the guy yells.

These guys are fools if they think this kind of behaviour will impress the girls. It’s despicable. Outrageous! There’s absolutely no way-

“Can we go up to your room for a bit?” the girl asks.

“You can go up to my BED,” he replies.

Then his mate runs down an alleyway while singing Jingle Bells.

It seems only right to assume the same guys are responsible for a later incident that’s witnessed by a child and her mother.

“Mum, why would they pee off the balcony?” the young girl asks.

The mother sighs. “Because they had a few drinks and they thought it’d be hilarious.”

Party time.

More all-white outfits.

Sipping from a tiny booze bottle in the street is peak schoolies.

Later on, a different group of young gentlemen are sent into a spin by an attractive woman – 40-ish, blonde lob, looks like she does pilates – who walks by with her husband.

“Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” they chant in a chorus of baby voices.

A large-scale event like Schoolies attracts a heightened police presence. Cops roam around the streets on foot – confiscating bottles of liquor – and the riot squad 4WDs rumble down the narrow avenues on the look out for trouble.

One minute, everything seems peaceful. The next, it’s chaos. Police snap into action. Flashing blue and red lights blind pedestrians and multiple cop cars block a section of Jonson Street. Something unthinkable must’ve happened.

“Oi, dogs! He stole the cop’s hat and ran off!” one witness informs the masses after the culprit is thrown into a paddy wagon.

Still, the cops get the last laugh, thanks to the horses they’ve brought in to patrol the parks.

“Whoa, c**t! It’s a pile-a f**kin’ horse shit, c**t!” one considerate guy warns others of the mess ahead on the footpath.

The advice falls on deaf ears. Many revellers are too drunk to realise what they’ve just trudged in until it’s too late.

Police were on alert.

The long queues and wait times to enter the bars prove too much for some. At the Beach Hotel, the venue reached its 700-person capacity by late afternoon. But who needs an ambient venue to have fun? Not these kids. Hundreds of them trip on down to the park above Main Beach to take in the serenity of the crashing waves and the sweet perfume of the urinal cakes wafting out of a nearby public toilet block.

Shaggy’s Y2K classic, “It Wasn’t Me”, rattles out of a tinny Bluetooth speaker and a group of kids inhale nitrous oxide – dispensed from a cream charger into a yellow balloon.

Ladies help their fallen comrade.

Portrait of a schoolies night out.

A group of kids inhale nitrous oxide – dispensed from a cream charger into a yellow balloon.

Schoolies is a unique time in a young person’s life where they get to be wild and free. There’s really nothing like it. It’s where life lessons are learnt and real-world experiences are had that can be applied well into adulthood. Some are more important than others.

“I like tequila,” one girl declares to her friends as they bound down Jonson to find a bar. “It tastes bad but I like it.”

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir