Mother of premature triplets, Sophie Smith, on losing her sons over crushing 82 days
When this Sydney mum lost all of her premature triplets, there was one baby purchase she struggled to part with. WARNING: Distressing.
WARNING: This post deals with baby loss and may be upsetting to some readers.
It was an unused pram fit for three babies – triplets, in fact – that Sophie Smith, 52, found the most difficult to part with.
She and her husband, Ash Smith, purchased and assembled the sizeable pram when she was 12 weeks pregnant – her first time being so. For months it sat in their hallway, “three little seats in a line awaiting their precious cargo,” she told news.com.au.
The excited, expectant parents had borrowed a cot from friends, upgraded their “small little Honda Civic” to a Ford Territory, and a stroke of luck saw Ms Smith win enough free Huggies nappies for six months. With three baby boys on the way, it was a saving that would be sure to pay off.
In the end they kept the triple pram for six months before a friend sold it on their behalf.
“The triplet buggy was the symbol of all the things we had bought and prepared. It was a unique piece of equipment that represented what our lives were supposed to be,” she said.
“I hung on to that buggy for quite a long time.”
82 days of heartbreaking hope
While she didn’t realise it at the time, Ms Smith’s waters broke when she was 21 weeks pregnant. What followed was 82 days of hope and heartbreak, that would eventually see her leave the Royal Hospital for Women without any babies in her arms.
On July 31, 2006, Ms Smith gave birth to her first son, Henry. Born at 21 weeks and five days, it was too early for doctors to intervene.
“We were warned that he would probably not be born alive, but he was,” she said.
“We had one hour with Henry and it was a very, very precious hour. Sixteen years later I feel great comfort knowing that Henry spent his whole life in my arms and knew only love from Ash and me.”
In order for doctors to save the two other triplets, Ms Smith needed to make it to the “magic 24-week mark” of her pregnancy. Her waters broke again at exactly 24 weeks and three days, on August 20, 2006.
“When Jasper and Evan were born, Ash and I were full of hope for both of them,” said Ms Smith.
“We were told their births had gone well and they were healthy as could be expected for babies born at 24 weeks in their gestation.”
Evan died after 10 days. She and her husband were called into the hospital in the middle of the night and by the morning it was confirmed that he had suffered a severe brain haemorrhage.
“We were advised to remove his life support and let him die,” Ms Smith remembers.
“The first time I held him was when we took him out of his humidity crib in order to say goodbye.”
‘We had 58 days with Jasper’
Although Jasper’s life was short, Ms Smith was convinced he was going to be their surviving child.
In that period, he doubled his birth weight of 760g. On the day he reached 1kg, the couple celebrated by buying the equal weight in chocolate to share with the nurses.
“There were many times when we thought we were going to lose him and each time he defied the odds and pulled through,” she said.
“His doctors and nurses told us how amazed they were with his strength and I thought that in many years to come I would be able to tell Jasper about these moments when we thought we’d lost him but once again, he pulled through.”
One of the most special moments was when she was able to breastfeed her son.
“He must have been about 30 weeks at this stage and he just latched onto my boob and took two little tiny sucks and fell asleep,” she said.
“It was an incredible memory.”
Remembering those 58 days, Ms Smith refuses to remember them as anything but precious and beautiful.
“I’m so grateful we had 58 days to know Jasper, when we only had 10 days with Evan and one hour with Henry,” she said.
Despite the eventual heartbreak, Ms Smith has no regret for their never-ending and constant hope. She said it was present when she was told there’d be a 1 per cent change all three of her children would make it, and it “continued right up until the moment Jasper took his last breath”.
“Even though they didn’t pull through I’ve never regretted the hope I held for my three boys.”
“In the end it was Jasper’s lungs that meant he was unable to pull through.”
Turning tragedy into hope
Ms Smith said the 82 days between her waters breaking prior to Henry’s birth, to losing Jasper was a “rollercoaster”. After leaving the hospital in the weeks after, she remembered her house being “deafeningly quiet”.
Grieving and heartbroken, her husband suggested they train for the upcoming Sydney Morning Herald Half Marathon in order to raise money for the hospital. They decided their target would be one $20,000 humidity crib – the kind that had kept Jasper alive.
Ms Smith said she thought it was a “brilliant” idea.
While they were in hospital, Mr and Ms Smith realised that 70 per cent of the equipment in the unit was donated through fundraising efforts.
There had also been a critical shortage of Neonatal Intensive Care beds just before the birth that would have seen their babies being split up and transported to Brisbane and Melbourne.
They wanted to do their bit to make a difference. It was a project which eventually led to the charity, Running for Premature Babies.
“This was only a few weeks after Jasper died and I was finding it very difficult to get through these days. Suddenly I was channelling my grief into this run,” she said.
Joined by 96 teammates composed of friends and other parents of babies who were born premature, the Smiths raised $80,000 in just their first year. Their massive fundraising effort allowed them to buy four humidity cribs.
Celebrating Henry, Evan and Jasper’s 16th birthday
In the near-16 years since the first run, Running for Premature Babies has gone from a yearly event, to a registered Australian charity in 2016.
Since 2006, more than 8000 people have run in marathons, half marathons and fun runs around Australia for the charity, raising $5 million for 100 pieces of neonatal equipment for hospitals across Australia. They estimate that more than 7000 babies have benefited from their lifesaving help.
While Running for Premature Babies has become the legacy of Henry, Evan and Jasper, the reach of the charity is about “so many more babies, both living and lost,” Ms Smith said.
“If my little Jasper had had access to the new technology of the ventilators we have provided, there is no doubt in my mind that he’d be a strapping lad of 16 today,” she said.
“There’s nothing I can do to bring my babies back but there’s everything I can do to ensure that the babies of the future have the very best chance.”
Ms Smith’s personal life has also remarkably changed since 2006 – for better and worse.
In the 15 years since losing Henry, Evan and Jasper, Ms Smith has had another two boys – Owen in 2008 and Harvey in 2011. Both were carried to full term and born healthy.
Tragically, in 2009 her husband was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer at the age of 35. After going into remission, the cancer reappeared in 2014 before he passed away in 2016.
Speaking about her late husband’s illness, Ms Smith said: “Ash faced his illness with courage, and focused on living rather than worrying about dying.”
This year, like every other, Ms Smith, Owen and Harvey will commemorate their lost brothers with “a special cake” and a children’s fun run.
In an event worthy for the milestone birthday, this is the first year that the event will be held in multiple locations, including Melbourne, the Gold Coast, the Sunshine Coast, with virtual events for those who can’t participate.
“For me and for my living children, it’s their brothers’ birthday party,” she said.
“For all the families who come along, it’s a day to raise funds to give premature babies a better chance of survival and celebrate prematurely born children, both living and lost.”
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