Mel B should be applauded for going public with the details of her divorce

MEL B has done an amazing thing in deciding to go public about the abuse she suffered in her marriage. People should be applauding her.

OPINION

AS THE sordid details of Mel B and Stephen Belafonte’s marriage breakdown are splashed over the tabloids it’s hard to imagine whether any good can come of this.

Nobody likes their dirty laundry aired in public, particularly when you work in an industry where your image is directly linked to your career opportunities. But if the allegations of abuse, threats and cheating turn out to be true this will be more than just salacious click bait for voyeurs who take pleasure in watching celebrity relationships implode.

For women trapped in abusive relationships, watching Mel B lay the details of her partners alleged cruelties on the table in front of the world sends a powerful message. Abuse in relationships doesn’t discriminate.

For relationships where there is violence, emotional abuse or a power imbalance that’s being exploited there’s a complexity that can make the idea of getting up and walking out the door almost impossible to fathom.

As the details about Mel B, her husband and their nanny Lorraine Gilles (pictured with Mel B) emerge, it becomes clear how brave it was for Mel B to speak out. Picture: Mel B / Instagram

On the outside looking in, people who haven’t experienced abuse can find it easy to pass judgment and question why someone would continue to put up with behaviour that is clearly unacceptable. But for a lot of women things just aren’t that black and white.

If you love someone you can convince yourself of a lot of things, including the fact that they don’t mean to hurt you. Especially if there were some good years before the bad, it’s easy to hang onto those times in the hope they’ll return.

Often the abuse is something that builds up over years so by the time it’s obvious to everyone a woman needs to leave, her self-esteem and self-respect have been so eroded she can feel too powerless and ashamed to do anything.

Add to that the fact that your finances and your life are tied up with someone and the idea of walking out the door and leaving that all behind can seem impossible, especially if you’ve got nowhere to go. And the most dangerous thing to assume is that this kind of abuse can’t happen to anyone.

To watch a woman of privilege like Mel B, who appears as though she wouldn’t take crap from anyone, go through this is an important message for people in a similar situation as well as those who have never experienced physical or emotional abuse.

It’s easy to assume that with wealth, fame and power you would be immune to this kind of controlling behaviour but it only proves how overwhelming it can be.

It’s also important to understand that while physical abuse is inexcusable and deplorable, often emotional abuse can be just as detrimental.

Amid Mel B’s accusations of domestic violence there were also accusations of threats and controlling behaviour. This is the stuff in abusive relationships that is often pervasive but sometimes difficult to measure because the effects are not as visible as those from physical abuse. But just because the scars are subtler doesn’t mean they’re not every bit as damaging.

If the allegations are true, this is an important lesson for women about the power of speaking out and Mel B should be applauded for standing up and saying “enough is enough.”

It’s easy to assume women like her, who appear successful, strong and in control of their own destiny would never fall victim to behaviour like this.

By going public she reminds us that the combination of love and cruelty can overpower even the strongest among us.

Follow Rachel on Twitter, Facebook or at her website.