#LetHerSpeak: Lavinia Duga, sexual assault survivor, in her own words

Lavinia Duga has spoken about the terrifying night she was attacked by a man who she thought was her friend.

This is an edited extract from Lavinia Duga’s Victim Impact Statement, as shared with Nina Funnell as part of news.com.au’s #LetHerSpeak coverage.

I remember the night before you raped me, I made it clear from the start and told you that I don’t want to have sex because of my religious views. I told you that you need to find someone else if that’s what you wanted and you didn’t respond. You sat there and said nothing.

I thought I was safe around you because you were someone that understood my views, I knew your family and many of your friends.

The day you raped me, you kissed me and then tried to pull my dress up and I immediately said “no”. You told me to take your pants off and I said “no”. I made it clear I didn’t want to take it any further.

READ MORE: Texts reveal Lavinia’s horrific sexual assault

READ MORE: Northern Territory law reform divides survivors

Lavinia Duga is a sexual assault survivor and has been advocating for a change in the Northern Territory sexual assault victim gag laws through the #LetHerSpeak campaign. Picture: Richard Dobson

But you didn’t stop there. Your hand went up my dress, I grabbed your wrist straight away and we were literally fighting. It felt like an arm wrestle. I remember trying to get up but you held me down and forced yourself on me.

I remember at one point you looked at me straight in the eyes as I kept saying no, but you had no remorse. I remember feeling like I couldn’t move. I want you to know it was the worst feeling you can imagine.

The whole time you didn’t say a word back to me. I felt hopeless. I kept saying ‘no’ but you didn’t care. I was so angry and upset I didn’t know what to do so I just yelled ‘it hurts’ and you finally let me go.

You then got off me and pretended like nothing happened. I got up and walked into the bathroom.

I couldn’t stop shaking and I just looked at myself in the mirror. This is when I first told myself that I had to report you to the police.

When I arrived home, I tried to tell you how this has affected my life through text messages. I questioned why you held me down and you said: “How did I pin you down? You go to the gym every day I would’ve noticed if you were struggling.”

I told you I was bruised and you responded by suggesting that maybe I “bruise easy”.

You kept making excuses for your actions saying things like “you didn’t say no loudly” or that you thought I was just being “cheeky”.

The soldier who assaulted Lavinia Duga. Image pixelated for legal reasons. Picture: Supplied.

For months after I reported to police you were able to keep your job as a soldier. Meanwhile I lost work. I couldn’t sleep. It affected my friendships and everything about my life. I spent so much time crying, I also thought about killing myself.

Later, my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

I thought I was going to die from stress.

Then the Judge decided to split the cases in your favour. This meant that the jury and the public would never know that you are a serial sex abuser.

When that happened, I sat there crying for hours. I was alone and I had no support.

I knew that I needed time to regain my strength, I wasn’t ever going to give up.

I now understand how broken the legal system is. I saw how poorly sexually abused individuals are treated. I now know what I want to do with the rest of my life. The system needs to change and I want to continue to help women and children and focus on the criminal justice system.

Lavinia says she wants to help others people who’ve been through sexual abuse. Picture: Richard Dobson

I also know that it doesn’t matter what punishment you get, as no matter what, you will never suffer as much as I did.

I have never felt more angry and offended in my life. But I now choose to let go of anger.

God said love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. This is not a suggestion. It is a commandment.

Forgiving you and everyone who spoke falsely of me has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. But this is how I regained my strength and healed.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean what you did was OK. Your behaviour is wrong.

And forgiveness also doesn’t mean that I accept what you did.

What forgiveness means is this: It means that I am stronger than you.

This article is supported by the Judith Neilson Institute for Journalism and Ideas.

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