Kim Kardashian bikini selfie proves ‘retro’ accessory’s comeback

We thought we’d gotten rid of this once-vital item for good — but now it’s cool again.

It takes a lot to one-up an X-rated comment about a wiener.

Sorry. That was a really inappropriate way to begin a Sunday column.

Let’s try again …

Hang around long enough and all past trends will come back into style!

There we go. That’s the relatable breeziness we wanna read on a lazy weekend morning. Still, be warned: a wiener is coming.

All of this is tied to a bikini selfie, posted to Instagram by billionaire reality star and entrepreneur Kim Kardashian. And like all good bikini selfies, it ignited highbrow conversation about a range of topics around the globe.

Kardashian’s sorta-brother-in-law Scott Disick kicked things off when he commented on the photo with an X-rated remark, seemingly referring to the measurements of the mum-of-four’s new boyfriend, Pete Davidson.

There’s an important detail in this bikini selfie that, once seen, can’t be forgotten.

Kim and Pete ‘Tripod’ Davidson.

Since splitting with rapper Kanye West, Kim has been reportedly dating the Saturday Night Live comedian and the pair have been papped enjoying a getaway in the Bahamas this week, when the selfie was posted.

“Damn! Where’s the tripod!” Disick commented beneath Kim’s snap.

Readers, it’s here the story takes its first turn. Let’s just try to talk about it as maturely as possible. Brace yourselves.

Urban Dictionary defines the term “tripod” as “a man with a penis so big, it is interpreted as a third leg, resembling a tripod”.

Now — for those of you who don’t keep up with news and current events — Davidson, 28, has long been the subject of rumours related to this kind of subject matter. May we never forget the now-deleted tweet where his ex-girlfriend, pop star Ariana Grande, revealed a cheeky detail about Pete’s … measurements.

Anyway, with the flames fanned once again, it would seem like an impossible fire to put out. What on earth could distract us from such vulgarity?

Only one thing has the power to outmatch an inappropriate wiener comment. And it just so happened to feature in the racy bikini selfie. ‘Tis a detail so specific, it probably flew under the radar for some – but once noticed, it’s impossible to unsee.

Ladies and gentlemen: Kimberly Noel Kardashian West was wearing old-timey headphones. The kind with the cord attached.

Gone were the hip new wireless AirPods. In their place were the kind of earbuds that get tangled up into a knot if you leave them rolling around your bag too long.

Good grief. It feels like we’re all the way back in the 1950s. Or at the very least, 2017.

The internet reacted appropriately.

“Richest person still wears headphones with a wire,” one fan wrote in the comments.

But it’s not just Kim.

One year ago, this very column dedicated approximately 1,000 words to our very own Nicole Kidman, who was photographed rocking old-timey headphones. She was up in Byron Bay, shooting one of those TV shows based on a Liane Moriarty book, when she was papped while out enjoying a light jog, with the white cord of her headphones flailing wildly in the breeze.

It was concerning. It looked like she was about to accidentally get tangled up in the rubber-coated electrical wire and trip.

More recently, in an episode of And Just Like That … – the Sex And The City reboot, streaming on Binge – we saw style icon Carrie Bradshaw perched in her apartment, wearing old-timey headphones. Ironically, the episode was about Carrie being so old that she basically broke a hip.

Carrie also uses a BlackBerry mobile phone on the show. ‘Nuff said.

What’s the truth behind the resurgence of the old-timey headphones? For some of us, our reluctance towards AirPods may have something to do with age as well as a fear that one of the wireless buds will fall out of an ear and roll down a stormwater grate.

But for Gen Z, it seems to be about nostalgia. That’s right – we’ve gotten to a point where pre-2016 is vintage.

A recent piece in The Wall Street Journal detailed the rise of hot young celebs like Bella Hadid and Lily-Rose Depp getting papped while wearing the “retro” headphones. It also reported the corded accessory is better for recording audio on TikTok videos. And visually, they’re thought to ooze a cool mid-2000s aesthetic.

We should’ve seen it coming. The old-timey headphones are just the latest blast from the past. Cassette tapes are the other big one.

Research from Statista found music cassette sales in the United States grew from about 74 million in 2015 to 219 million in 2018. And sales have continued to climb since, with popular current bands even choosing to release their new music on tape for the fans who desire it.

Between vinyl, CDs and digital, why opt for cassette tapes when the audio quality is inferior?

Like the old-timey headphones, cassettes add to the aesthetic and recreate a simpler time. Go into any Cotton On outlet and you’ll find a wide selection of fake vintage band tees. Pick up a T-shirt screen-printed with the cover of Pink Floyd’s 1973 album The Dark Side Of The Moon, or Fleetwood Mac’s 1977 release Rumours.

The kids wearing those tees are probably listening to those iconic albums right now – on cassette tape, through old-timey wired headphones in 2022.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir