How to talk to someone who supports Australia Day

While more and more Aussies no longer recognise January 26 as a day of celebration, here’s how to have “the talk” with someone who still doesn’t get it.

January 26. The day is recognised as a symbol of mourning, survival or invasion by Indigenous Australians and their allies, but some still view it as a day to celebrate national pride.

While January 26 officially marks the anniversary of the date when Captain Arthur Phillip landed on Sydney Cove and proclaimed British sovereignty in 1788, more and more Australians no longer view it as “Australia Day”, despite how it may appear in our calendars.

Still, the day can create tense and heated conversations among friends, family, co-workers and even mere acquaintances. This can be especially true, if you see it as a day that represents the start of institutionalised inequality against Indigenous people, and the other person is unwilling to acknowledge the impact of colonisation on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.

However, among the discomfort can be the potential for understanding and safe, productive discussion. We spoke to Indigenous woman and workplace diversity expert Nareen Young and Sydney-based psychologist Tara Hurster about how to talk to someone whose views on January 26 might significantly differ to yours.

January 26 is not a day for celebration – that’s why news.com.au is campaigning to change the date of Australia Day, so we can celebrate the best country in the world, without leaving anyone behind.

1. Know what January 26 represents to Indigenous people

Central to the debate around “Australia Day”, are the insensitivities of choosing to celebrate what is actually a day of mourning for First Nations Australians.

Prof Young says there’s a lack of understanding in non-Indigenous Australians who still choose to support and celebrate January 26 as Australia Day.

Currently working as industry professor at the University of Technology Sydney’s Jumbunna Institute for Indigenous Education & Research, Prof Young’s previous work has seen her lead the Diversity Council Australia from 2007 to 2014, as well as work as the director and employment lead for Indigenous consulting at Price Waterhouse Coopers from 2014 to 2018.

“I think most non-Aboriginal Australians have never had the conversation around what January 26 means to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people,” she says.

Prof Young says a “fundamental point of recognition” needs to be that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are the “original owners of the land”.

“(Some people) don’t understand its significance in terms of it being a day of invasion when an entire lifestyle and way of living was lost.”

For her, January 26 is a day of “quiet reflection”, and one she chooses to spend away from social media.

“I think it’s hard on social media because ignorant, nasty trolls can come out and I find that kind of hatred very confronting and I don’t react well to it,” she tells news.com.au.

2. Use ‘I feel-based’ statements to create the chance for open dialogue

In situations where you’re speaking to someone to completely disagrees with what you see as fact – for example, that January 26, is not a day to be celebrated – Sydney-based psychologist, Tara Hurster of The TARA Clinic says it may be helpful to use sentences that start with “I feel” over black and white statements.

For example, statements like: “I feel like celebrating Australia Day is disrespectful towards Indigenous Australians,” or “I feel like Australia Day doesn’t acknowledge the trauma that was inflicted on Aboriginal people due to colonisation,” can create space for further conversation.

They also “immediately reduce the chance of someone becoming defensive,” she adds.

“It opens up the curiosity question and creates opportunity for discussion,” she says. “You can then say: ‘Have you ever considered what it might feel like for Indigenous Australians?’ or ‘has your family ever discussed Indigenous history?’”

3. Direct them to resources

It can also be beneficial to encourage people to pursue self-research, especially given the amount of information present on the internet.

“I always do that. I direct them to other resources and a really informative one is the Reconciliation Australia website,” says Prof Young.

Some other sites and resources include Australians Together, the official NAIDOC website, IndigenousX and Closing the Gap.

Following Indigenous activists or accounts like Vanessa Turnbull-Roberts, Amy McQuire, Luke Pearson, Amy Thunig and Anita Heiss can also help educate you on issues affecting Indigenous Australians. Indigenous X’s Twitter account is also a great resource which changes Twitter hosts on a weekly basis to factor in the multiple to Indigenous voices, stories and opinions, counteracting the belief that Indigenous communities just have one homogenous view.

Ms Hurster says resources can provide a “great neutral space” that can provide further discussion later down the track. Tools like websites, articles, films or social media accounts act as another avenue to discuss emotionally-charged topics, especially if you’re weary an emotionally-charged conversation could strain your relationship with the other person.

“It takes the ‘me’ out of the conversation, so now we as a team, are together looking at a piece of third party information and going: ‘Let’s have a conversation about that,’” she says.

“It’s a really nice neutral place because you’re connecting with information that’s external to the emotional relationship.”

4. Know when to give up

Despite good intentions to re-educate or encourage open communication, there may be occasions when someone is not open to productive discussion. In such cases, both Prof Young and Ms Hurster say it’s important to respect your boundaries.

“I think you should protect yourself. There’s no point in talking to those people,” says Prof Young.

“I feel sorry for them that they have that kind of mindset, because they must apply it to everything else in their life.

“It’s the role of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people and other people of goodwill and allies to expend our emotional energy on them.”

Depending on who you’re having the conversation with, it may also be helpful to evaluate your expectations. While Ms Hurster says “expecting one conversation to result in someone completely changing their belief system” may be “unrealistic”, these difficult talks can “plant a seed” for further reflection.

However, she says you also have every right to withdraw from the conversation if it begins to make you feel uncomfortable – something that’s especially true for Indigenous Australians who may find the topic emotionally draining or traumatising to speak about.

“(It can help) having a really clear cut off in your mind of what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable, and then choosing to end the conversation at that point. If someone wants to keep pushing, that’s fine, however, you’re still choosing to end that conversation,” she says.

“If that means that you need to hang up on them, walk away or put your phone on silent for a little while, that’s okay.

“All of these things are OK to keep yourself safe in those environments.”