How to leave a domestic violence relationship

It’s one of the riskiest times in a domestic violence relationship. Here experts share the safest ways to leave an abusive situation.

It’s one of the most heartbreaking statistics that repeats again and again: leaving is the most dangerous time in a domestic violence relationship.

But while it might feel unthinkable for women trapped in a years-long cycle of abuse, it is possible to leave an abusive relationship.

News.com.au spoke to two domestic violence advocates on the steps to take when leaving a domestic violence relationship.

On average, one woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner.

Almost 10 women a day are hospitalised for assault injuries at the hands of a spouse or domestic partner.

Every day in May, as part of Domestic and Family Violence Awareness Month, news.com.au will tell the stories behind those shocking statistics.

Have a plan in place

1800 RESPECT’s clinical engagement manager Ali Howarth said it was crucial to have “very strong safety planning” when leaving.

This included things like making sure you had a clear exit out of the house, having your phone fully charged and if possible, gathering important documents like children’s birth certificates.

Experts have shared their top tips on leaving a domestic violence situation. Picture: iStock.

Planning what time you will leave is also crucial, with experts recommending leaving when the abuser will be out of the home at work or for a set period.

“I would always recommend that if someone is thinking about leaving that they call 1800 Respect and talk someone through their safety plan,” she said.

“The counsellor might have options that you haven’t thought of that might work. The counsellor isn’t going to tell you what to do, but because they have seen this story so many times they might have thoughts that you haven’t contemplated.”

DVConnect CEO Beck O’Connor said accessing support services can offer crucial help in leaving safely by providing emergency accommodation, changing home locks and technology sweeps to make sure victims’ movements weren’t being tracked.

“Research shows that leaving a DFV (domestic-family violence) situation is one of the most dangerous times,” Ms O’Connor said.

“Support services like DVConnect and 1800 RESPECT can work with people whether they are in a relationship, are thinking about leaving, or have left.”

Seek help from trusted people

Ms Howarth recommends using apps Find My Friends to share your location with close friends or family when leaving.

“It’s good to let as many friends and family know as is safe,” she said.

“Let them know if you text a certain word to them that you need help right now, always call the police on triple-0 if things escalate.”

Ms O’Connor said loved ones can support victims of abuse by believing and validating their experience.

“Never pressure a person to leave a DFV relationship because this may put them in danger,” she said.

“The person experiencing abuse will have a much better idea of their partner or ex-partner’s abusive behaviours.”

Leave when you can

Sometimes it isn’t possible to have a plan for leaving in place beforehand or an unexpected opportunity may present itself.

“A plan is great, but if someone doesn't have a plan and they’ve got an opportunity and a desire to leave, I’d always say just leave. You don’t need a plan, you can do your plan later,” Ms Howarth said.