Domestic violence survivor finds her own eulogy after husband’s death

The chilling discovery revealed the plan the Queensland woman’s husband had for their decades-long marriage. WARNING: Distressing.

WARNING: Distressing.

Over Angie Jordan’s 40-year relationship with her former partner there were too many instances of abuse – both mental, physical and involving coercive control – to count.

But there’s one incident Ms Jordan, now 60, still remembers in terrifying detail all these decades later because it sums up the secret yet insidious way her abuser kept her trapped for so many years.

Ms Jordan had been heavily pregnant at the time and fled the house in terror the night before after he flew into an explosive rage, only for him to push her “into a wall with his hand on my throat” when he found her the next day.

She had slept on concrete bags in the shed that night, too terrified to return to their bed, which her husband would sometimes “grab me by my ankles and rip me out of” anyway, just because he felt like it.

“Three days later I went into labour and all midwives turned up and were telling me what a great husband I had because in front of everybody else, he was wonderful,” she told news.com.au.

Ms Jordan appears on Tuesday night’s episode of Insight to tell her decades-long experience in a domestic violence relationship as well as the secret document she found after her former partner’s death.

On average, one woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner. Almost 10 women a day are hospitalised for assault injuries at the hands of a spouse or domestic partner. Every day in May, as part of Domestic and Family Violence Awareness Month, news.com.au will tell the stories behind those shocking statistics.

Angie Jordan, a domestic violence victim of over 40 years. Picture Lachie Millard

‘I fell in love with a lie’

UK-born Ms Jordan, who now lives in Queensland, met her future husband when she was just 18 during a night out and thought he was “extremely arrogant” at first.

But he pursued her with persistence, phoning her family’s home to take her out to dinner and was every bit the “charming” gentleman.

“Now I look back and I can see he was finding out everything that I like,” Ms Jordan said.

“He was charming and I fell totally in love, the problem was I fell in love with a lie.”

Nine months into dating and Ms Jordan saw the first glimpse of his temper when she stayed out with friends for drinks and he responded by “slamming doors, punching fists on the table”.

The dramatic outburst stunned Ms Jordan, however, he later apologised profusely and she forgave him.

But things changed drastically when the couple married just before Ms Jordan’s 21st birthday and his true controlling nature was exposed.

Domestic violence survivor Angie Jordan. Picture: Supplied.

‘Mum, this isn’t normal’

It was during their first week of marriage that he first threatened to kill himself, locking himself in their bathroom with a knife because Ms Jordan had wanted to go see her friends.

Gradually he made sure she was cut off from family and friends, telling her that “everybody hates you”, including their children.

He would constantly track her movements and accuse Ms Jordan of having sex with neighbours or strangers.

“We didn’t have friends, we didn’t ever have anyone around for dinner or a barbecue or a glass of wine,” Ms Jordan said.

He also told Ms Jordan she had “no style or class” and only he could buy her clothes, as well as monitoring her weight.

“Weight was a big thing … very early on in the relationship when we were married he said, ‘I didn’t marry you so you could become a fat c**t like your mother,’” she said.

As the years passed she would beg for a divorce only for him to refuse and his behaviour, often fuelled by excessive alcohol consumption, became worse.

He would leave loaded guns on the bedside table and when Ms Jordan once asked why, he replied: “I’m testing myself.”

“His behaviour had become so bizarre and actually frightening,” she said.
But it was only when her adult daughter Jess returned from overseas to visit her family in December 2017 that Ms Jordan got the strength to leave.

“She just said, Mum this isn’t normal,’” Ms Jordan said.

Ms Jordan would beg her husband for a divorce only to be constantly denied. Picture: Supplied.

‘He was not prepared to give me a divorce’

Ms Jordan’s daughter eventually took her to a women’s centre for secret meetings, where workers were able to persuade her she was a victim of domestic abuse.

But it took many months – including a brief return to her abuser because she was destitute and had never had a job – before Ms Jordan was able to finally break free of him.

When Ms Jordan did, her former husband carried through with his long-used threat on her and took his own life in May 2019.

While his death has robbed her of closure, it did lead Ms Jordan to make a chilling discovery among his belongings: a eulogy he had written about her which implied she had killed herself.

The discovery was particularly scary given he once told Ms Jordan he knew “how to kill someone without leaving a trace of evidence”.

One morning before Ms Jordan finally left him, he confessed he had “put my fingers on your carotid artery” while she was sleeping.

“I absolutely believe he was not prepared to give me a divorce or settlement,” she said.

Today, Ms Jordan is rebuilding her life in a new home and reconnecting with friends and family which she had been isolated from for far too long.

She still suffers from the abuse and has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and Stockholm syndrome.

Ms Jordan hopes that by sharing her story, other women will be able to recognise if they are in abusive relationships and get help.

“I can never right the wrongs that were done to me but I can help women right the wrongs that are being done to them right now,” she said.

“If telling my story helps one woman look at her life and say ‘nup’, I don’t want to think of another woman staying in that relationship another day, not for another week.”

Watch Angie Jordan on tonight’s episode of Insight at 8.30pm on SBS or stream anytime on SBS On Demand.

Insight’s Intimate Terrorism episode accompanies a suite of programming available across SBS and NITV that aligns with documentary series See What You Made Me Do, raising awareness for the domestic abuse epidemic and Domestic & Family Violence Awareness Month.