‘Closer than ever’: Woman reveals realities of having a partner in jail
A Queensland mum has opened up about the surprising realities of being in a relationship with someone in jail.
When Caity Phelan’s partner went to prison last year, she never imagined it would be one of the best things to ever happen to their relationship.
The 23-year-old had only been dating the love of her life Dayne, 25, for seven months when he made a “bad decision” which led to him being incarcerated.
While she does not wish to go into the details of his crime, Caity knew her devotion to him was too entrenched in her heart to simply walk away.
The mum-of-two from Mackay, Queensland, understood from the get-go that it was not going to be an easy journey.
With Dayne residing in a correctional centre 700km away from where she lives, Caity’s in-person visits can take it’s toll.
It takes the eyelash technician a gruelling 16 hours of round-trip driving for just a one hour visit that leaves her feeling a myriad of different raw emotions.
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But the ritual is something close to her heart, and she looks forward to seeing him once or twice a month, while other weeks the couple have a virtual meeting.
“Every second we get to spend together is precious,” she told News.com.au.
“I know once he gets out, we will never take the time we have in each other’s arms for granted ever again.
“We’d only been dating seven months before he was jailed. I was shattered.
“I felt a roller coaster of emotions. It was a grieving process.
“Everything I did on my own that I would usually do with him was a constant crushing reminder that I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call him, or give him a hug.
“I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. It’s a horrible feeling. You feel like you’re constantly wishing your life away so you’re closer to the day when they come home.”
Between her in-person and virtual visits, Caity is only allowed sporadic six-minute phone calls to fill Dayne in on what is happening at home.
She pours her heart out into passionate love letters, which can often take a long time to reach him, and are also opened and read by the guards first.
The strict rules and unimaginable distance would, understandably, be a huge strain on couples – but Caity said she and Dwayne’s bond is stronger than ever.
“Having to travel such long distances and only being able to see them once a week makes it very hard,” she said.
“You do get emotional after it, as you never feel like you have enough time. Sometimes letters don’t get to them for days.
“I keep myself positive by remembering that this isn’t forever, and know that it could be a lot worse. Some people make mistakes that costs them their lives.
“It has made our relationship stronger than ever. It has opened our eyes to how much we appreciate and love each other.
“It is very true when they say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. It’s allowed us to express our thoughts better because he has all the time in the world to think in there.
“We write to each other, and go very in depth with out feelings. Through this, it’s made our communication better.”
Caity explained that when her partner was imprisoned, there was a lot of external pressure from some people in her life to break up with him.
But she said she plans to stick by Dayne for the long haul and is excited for the life they will get to live once this is over.
“There was definitely pressure from people to leave him. People constantly ask why I would want to have a partner in jail.
“I do it because I love him, and anyone would stick by the person they love. I don’t condone the choices he’s made to end up in jail, and I 100 per cent believe in owning the consequences of your own poor actions.
“I made the choice to stay with him, because if you really love someone you don’t support them just in the highs but most importantly the lows.
“As his partner I naturally want to support him through any obstacles in life.
“I stuck by him because I want to contribute in helping him in his rehabilitation to becoming a better person.”
Caity first met her partner a decade ago, and they shared a very close friendship.
But it was after they reconnected over the past year that their feelings for each other blossomed.
“We met 10 years ago in high school, we used to hang out all the time as friends, but it never developed to anything more than that,” she recalled.
“As the years went on, we had our own lives and lost contact, and I had two children with my now ex partner. Later down the track, we crossed paths again following a break-up, and we became inseparable.
“Eventually, we started dating. He adores my two children like they’re his own.
“He is very free-spirited, funny and adventurous. He is devoted to those he loves and has a heart of gold, which is why I fell so hard in love with him.
“Being a prison girlfriend or wife takes a great deal of strength and courage.
“It’s definitely not for everyone, but it builds so much strength and resilience within those that do it.
“You have to fight through the bad days to earn the best days of your life.”
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