‘I have a favourite child. So am I a bad mother?’

A woman says she loves both her teenage daughters equally, but she prefers one’s company over the other. Does that make her a bad mother?

Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble answers your questions.

Question:

Recently my friends were discussing a woman we know and said it’s obvious she has a favourite child. They’re all adamant they don’t have one but, even though I didn’t admit it to them, I do.

I love both my teenage daughters equally, but I do tend to prefer one’s company. We’re much more similar in personality and have more in common.

Does this make me a bad mother? I’ve been feeling guilty ever since my friends mentioned it.

Do you have a favourite child?

Answer:

The thought of having a favourite child fills a lot of parents with guilt. But as you’ve said, just because you prefer one daughter’s company, does not mean that you love your other daughter any less.

Some parents relate to one child more than the others because they share a sense of humour or common interests.

Sometimes, one child may be easier to manage or more fun to be around.

Interestingly, the more similar you are to a child in personality, the more likely it is that you will clash at times. That’s because the things that most annoy us in others can be the parts we don’t like in ourselves.

Some parents relate to one child more than the others because they share a sense of humour or common interests.

Often the situation with a favoured child changes over time. The easier child may become trickier as they get older or the child with whom you struggled when they were young becomes a fabulous friend as an adult.

Many adults talk about being closer to one parent than the other during childhood and adolescence. But it doesn’t mean that they didn’t love both parents.

And it always surprises me how often adult siblings disagree about who was the favoured child growing up. I’m sure both your daughters feel loved and supported and that’s all that matters.

There is no need for mother guilt – there’s too much of that already.

This article was first published by Body + Soul and is reproduced here with permission